Friends of Women VS Friends of Men

Men always have better friends....They will stand by you, no matter what....!!!



Friends of Women:

A wife was not at home for a whole night. So she tells her husband the very next morning, that she stayed at her (girl) friend's apartment overnight.

So the husband calls 10 of her best (girl) friends and none of them confirm that she was with them.





Friends of Men:

A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the very next morning, that he stayed at his friend's apartment over night.

So the wife calls 10 of his best friends and 5 of them confirm that he stayed at their apartments that night and another 5 are claiming that he is still with them!!

--
******************************************************
I may not be perfect at what to do but perfect at what not to do!
******************************************************

Sardar Mystery story

Santa happened to participate in a competition, which was about writing the shortest story.
The organizers had put a condition that a story must have four ingredients viz. religion, sex, suspense and mystery.
When Santa's turn came after many attempts by others. Santa's story was of just one sentence which read "Oh god, my wife is going to deliver a child".
Ostensibly amused, the organizers asked the american whether it contained all the four ingredients! American replied affirmatively and gave his explanation as below:
Oh god: religion.
My wife: sex.
Going to deliver a child: suspense (whether a girl or a boy)
"Okay.... but where is the mystery?" asked one of the organizers.
Santa replied: who is the father? He was the winner for writing the shortest story!

--
******************************************************
I may not be perfect at what to do but perfect at what not to do!
******************************************************

poor book keeper

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his book-keeper has screwed him for ten
million bucks. This book-keeper is deaf and it was considered an
occupational benefit why he got the job in the first place, since it was
assumed that a deaf book-keeper would not be able to hear anything and
never have to testify in court. When the Godfather goes to shake down the
book-keeper about his missing $10 million bucks, he takes along his
attorney, who knows sign language.

The Godfather asks the book-keeper: "Where is the $10 million bucks you
embezzled from me?" The attorney, using sign language, asks the
book-keeper where the money is hidden. The book-keeper signs back: "I
don't know what you are talking about."

The attorney tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you're
talking about." That's when the Godfather pulls out a 9mm pistol, puts it
to the book-keeper's temple, cocks it up and says: "Ask him again!"

The attorney signs to the underling: "He'll kill you for sure if you don't
tell him!" The book-keeper signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a
brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in
Queens!"

The Godfather asks the attorney: "Well, what'd he say?"



The attorney replies: "He says you don't have the balls to pull the
trigger!!"
--
******************************************************
I may not be perfect at what to do but perfect at what not to do!
******************************************************

BillGates in Heaven

Well, Bill," said God, "I'm really confused on this one. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell! After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in the world and yet you created that ghastly Windows. I'm going to do something I've never done before. I'm going to let you decide where you want to go!"

Mr. Gates replied, "Well, thanks, Lord. What's the difference between the two?"

God said, "You can take a peek at both places briefly if it will help you decide. Shall we look at Hell first?" "Sure!" said Bill. "Let's go!"

Bill was amazed! He saw a clean, white sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about.

The sun was shining and the temperature was just perfect!

Bill said, "This is great! If this is Hell, I can't wait to see Heaven!"


To which God replied, "Let's go!" and off they went. Bill saw puffy white clouds in a beautiful blue sky with angels drifting about playing harps and singing.


It was nice, but surely not as enticing as Hell. Mr. Gates thought for only a brief moment and rendered his decision.

"God, I do believe I would like to go to Hell."


"As you desire," said God.


Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see how things were going. He found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming among the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being burned and tortured by demons.


"How ya doing', Bill?" asked God. Bill responded with anguish and despair.


"This is awful! This is not what I expected at all! What happened to the beach and the beautiful women playing in the water?"


"Oh, THAT!" said God.
"That was the screen saver"....!! !!!!!!!
--
------------------------------------------------------------------
Love begins with a smile...!
Endures with happiness... !
And dies with a tear...!!

People die younger.. because god loves them so much..
I am still on earth.. because there's a goddess here who loves me more..


(¨`•.•´¨) Always
  `•.¸(¨`•.•´¨) Keep
(¨`•.•´¨)¸.•´ Smiling!
`•.¸.•´
Thanks and Regards,
VenkaT.....You
9000199193

Influential men the end World

God was fed up. In a crash of thunder he/she yanked up to Heaven three influential humans, George Bush, Russian President, and Bill Gates. "The human race is a complete disappointment," God boomed.

"You each have one week to prepare your followers for the end of the world." Then, with another crash of thunder they found themselves back on Earth.

Bush immediately called in his cabinet. "I have good news and bad news," he announced grimly.

"The good news is that there is god. The bad news is Gods really mad and plans to end the world in a week."

The Russia President announced to parliament, "Comrades, I have bad news and worse news. The bad news is that we were wrong, there is a god after all. The worse news is Gods mad and is going to end the world in a week."

Meanwhile, Bill Gates called a meeting of his top engineers. "I have good news and better news. The good news is that God considers me one of the three most influential men on Earth," he beamed.

"The better news is we don't have to fix Windows Vista."
--
******************************************************
I may not be perfect at what to do but perfect at what not to do!
******************************************************

Makkah Pics

Gambar gambar di atas di ambil di dari dalam kamar bilik di Hotel Alsafwah...we called that "Haram View "... yakni bilik bilik dari tingkat 1 sehingga tingkat 8th dengan harga sr750 semalam pada hari biasa....untuk pengetahuan anda bilik Haram view selalu saja penuh tak kira hari biasa atau weekend...( sebab pada waktu malam ada lah satu pemandangan yang indah dari dalam bilik tersebut) so sesiapa yang ingin cuba menetap di bilik Haram view ni kena lah buat booking awal awal.....hehehehe.....Sukran

--
******************************************************
I may not be perfect at what to do but perfect at what not to do!
******************************************************

An insect falls into a mug of beer...

An insect falls into a mug of beer...

African: Takes the insect out and drinks the beer

Chinese: Eats the insect and throws the beer away

Japanese: Sells the beer to the American and insect to the Chinese and gets a new mug of beer.

Pakistani: Accuses the Indian for throwing insect into his beer, relates the issue to Kashmir asks the Chinese for Military aid, and takes a loan from the American to buy one more mug of beer.

Indian: Accuses Pakistan for helping the insect to infiltrate into the glass, blames it as long term ISI operation, terms the insect as a Pakistan SSG commando in undercover operation and vows to defend every inch of the glass and every drop of the beer and demand that US should declare Pakistan a terrorist state  

--
******************************************************
I may not be perfect at what to do but perfect at what not to do!
******************************************************

Small Quiz

The following small quiz consists of 4 questions. It tells
ఉగాది శుభాకాంక్షలు కొత్త ఇయర్ నీకు అన్ని శుభాలు జరగాలని కోరుకుంటూ ని శ్రేయోబిలాషి.....వెంకట్.
whether you are qualified to be a professional. Around 90%
of the professionals failed the exam.

Questions:

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference, all the animals
attend except one. Which animal does not attend?

OK, if you did not answer the last three questions correctly,
this one may be your last chance to testify your qualifications
to be a professional.

4. There is a river, which is infested by crocodiles. How do you
manage to cross it?

Answers:

1. The correct answer is open the refrigerator, put in the
giraffe and close the door. This question tests whether you
are doing simple things in a complicated way.

2. Wrong Answer: Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant
and close the refrigerator. Correct Answer: Open the
refrigerator, take out of the giraffe, put in the elephant and
close the door. This tests your prudence.

3. Correct Answer: The Elephant!...It's still in the
refrigerator! This tests whether you have comprehensive thinking.

4. Correct Answer: Simply swim through it. All the crocodiles
are attending the Animal Meeting! I hope you got this one
correct at least!


ఉగాది శుభాకాంక్షలు కొత్త ఇయర్ నీకు అన్ని శుభాలు జరగాలని కోరుకుంటూ ని శ్రేయోబిలాషి..... వెంకట్.
--
******************************************************
I may not be perfect at what to do but perfect at what not to do!
******************************************************

Business is Business

One day at a school in Harrow, London, a teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll give £20 to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived."

An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St Patrick !"


The teacher said, "Sorry Paddy, that's not correct."

Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St Andrew !"

The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right either."

Finally, a Patel boy raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ !"

The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Patel ! Come up here and I'll give
you the £20."

As the teacher was giving Patel his money, she said, "You know Patel, since you're a Patel, that means a Hindu, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ !"

Patel replied, "Yes. In my heart I knew it was Krishna, but business is business !"

--
******************************************************
http://www.bhook.com
http://www.thehungersite.com

God Gave Me Nothing I Wanted.He Gave Me Everything I Needed- Swami Vivekananda
******************************************************
Thanks and Regards,
VenkaT.....U
IT Professional,
Dept of IT & C,
Institute for Electronic Governance.
Email : venkatnreddi@gmail.com
Mobile +91 - 9000 199 193

never-sad-there-even-worst-than-this

A father passing by his teenage daughter's bedroom was astonished to
see the bed was nicely made and
everything was neat and tidy. Then he saw an envelope propped up
prominently on the centre of the pillow. It
was addressed "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope
and read the letter with trembling
hands:-

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm
leaving home . I had to elope with my new
boyfriend Randy because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.
I've been finding real passion with Randy
and he is so nice to me. I know when you meet him you'll like him too
- even with all his piercing,
tattoos, and motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Dad, I'm
pregnant and Randy said that he wants
me to have the kid and that we can be very happy together. Even though
Randy is much older than me
(anyway, 42 isn't so old these days is it?), and has no money, really
these things shouldn't stand in the
way of our relationship , don't you agree?

Randy has a great CD collection; he already owns a trailer in the woods
and has a stack of firewood for!
the whole winter. It's true he has other girlfriends as well but I know
he'll be faithful to me in his own
way. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of
my dreams too. Randy taught me that
marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and he'll be growing it for us and
we'll trade it with our friends
for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray
that science will find a cure for
AIDS so Randy can get better; he sure deserves it!!

Your loving daughter,
Rosie.

At the bottom of the page were the letters "PTO".

Hands still trembling, her father turned the sheet, and read:

PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I
just wanted to remind you that
there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk
centre drawer. Please sign it and
call when it is safe for me to come home.I love U

some-rules-cannot-followed

A lady manager of a big reputed office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into her office.

" What is your name?" was the first thing she asked the new guy.

"John ," the new guy replied.

She scowled, "Look... I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority.

I refer to my employees by their last name only ... Smith, Jones, Baker ...that's all.

I am to be referred to only as Mrs. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"

The new guy sighed, "Darling..... ....... My name is John Darling."

" Okay John, the next thing I want to tell you is . . . "
--
------------------------------------------------------------------
My heart to you is given:
Oh, do give yours to me;
We'll lock them up together,
And throw away the key.

Best Break letter Ever

A soldier stationed in Afghanistan recently received a letter from his girlfriend back home.It read as follows:
 
Dear Ricky,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.
Love, Becky..............



The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters or ex-girlfriends.

In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies.
There were 57 photos in that envelope.... along with this note:


Dear Becky,
I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the hell you are.Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.
Take Care,
Ricky

--
------------------------------------------------------------------
Don't let someone become a priority in your life...
when you are just an option for them….
Relationships work best when they are balanced



Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only Light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.

Lipstick - Problem Funny

In a certain private school in Sydney, a number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. After they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done .

She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night - ( you can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses).

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.

Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror ..

--
------------------------------------------------------------------

"If i were ur tears i ud luv2 come out of ur eyes,run over ur cheeks n finally die on ur
lips!!!   if u were my tears i ud hav never cried 4 the fear of loosing u...!!! "

www.bhook.com
http://www.thehungersite.com

If you think you can or you think you can't, you're right!

Keep Smiling !!!!!!
(¨`•.•´¨) It Is The Second
`•.¸(¨`•.•´¨) Best Thing U Can Do
(¨`•.•´¨)¸.•´ With Your Lips!
`•.¸.•´

unconditional love

 

Some time ago, a friend of mine punished his 4 year old daughter for wasting a roll of gold wrapping paper. Money was tight and he became infuriated when the small child tried to decorate a box to put under the tree. Nevertheless the little girl brought the gift to her father the next morning and said "This is for you Daddy."

He was embarrassed by his earlier over reaction... He opened the box and his anger flared again when he found the box was empty.
 
Then he yelled at her:

DON'T YOU KNOW when you give someone a present there's supposed to be something inside of it??? 

The little girl looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said, 

Oh Daddy it's not empty, I blew kisses into the box, all for you Daddy.

The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little girl, and he begged her for forgiveness. My friend told me that he kept that gold box near his bed for years.

Whenever he was discouraged he would take out an imaginary kiss and remember the love of the child who had put it there. In a very real sense each of us has been given a gold container filled with unconditional love and kisses.

There is no more precious possession anyone could hold.

--
Smooth seas do not make skillful sailors. Much silence makes a powerful noise.

(¨`•.•´¨) Always
 `•.¸(¨`•.•´¨) Keep
(¨`•.•´¨)¸.•´ Smiling!
`•.¸.•´
VenkaT.....You

How a BOY/GIRL withdraws cash from ATM

How a BOY withdraws cash from ATM

1. Park the car

2. Go to ATM Machine

3. Insert card

4. Enter PIN

5. Take money out

6. Take ATM Card out

7. Drive away



How a GIRL withdraws cash from ATM

1. Park the car

2. Check makeup

3. Turn off engine

4. Check makeup

5. Go to ATM

6. Hunt for ATM card in the purse

7. Insert card

8. Hit Cancel

9. Hunt in purse for chit with PIN written on it

10. Insert card

11. Enter PIN

12. Take cash

13. Go to car

14. Check makeup

15. Start car

16. Stop car

17. Run back to ATM

18. Take ATM card

19. Back to car

20. Check makeup

21. Start car

22. Check makeup

23. Drive for 1/2 mile

24. Release handbrake

25. Drive on

--

******************************************************

After a long wait for bus no.113, two 113 number buses will always pull in together and the bus which you get in will be crowded than the other.

The last person to be fired or quit is responsible for all the errors until another person is fired or quits.

In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.

******************************************************


God Gave Me Nothing I Wanted.He Gave Me Everything I Needed- Swami Vivekananda

Once upon a time in MNC ........

A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee.
On his first day, he dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone:
"Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!"

The voice from the other side responded: "You fool, you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to ?"
"No" replied the trainee.

"It's the Managing Director of the company, "you idiot!"

The trainee shouted back: "And do you know who YOU are talking to,you IDIOT ?"
"No!" replied the Managing Director angrily.
"Thank God!" replied the trainee and put down the phone.
--
------------------------------------------------------------------

HARE & TORTOISE-II.

HARE & TORTOISE-II.

ONCE HARE & TORTOISE WERE COMPETING FOR C.E.T. EXAM. WHEN THE EXAM RESULTS WERE ANNOUNCED, HARE GOT 84.99% AND TORTOISE ENDED UP WITH 60%. BOTH APPLIED FOR B.E. WITH A REPUTED ENGINEERING COLLEGE. THE ADMISSION CLOSED WITH CUT-OFF MARKS AT 85% IN THAT COLLEGE. THE UNFORTUNATE HARE DIDN'T GET ADMISSION, BUT THE TORTOISE SUCCEEDED IN GETTING ADMISSION, EVEN WITH HIS 60%.

HOW?

 

THINK

!

!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
REMEMBER, LONG LONG AGO YOU MUST BE REMEMBERING THE HARE & TORTOISE STORY, WHERE TORTOISE WON THE RUNNING RACE.

NOW, REMEMBERING THAT THE TORTOISE GOT ADMISSION IN THE ENGINEERING COLLEGE OUT OF "SPORTS-QUOTA"

------------ --------- -

HAVE A NICE DAY

--
------------------------------------------------------------------
Irrespective of the direction of the wind, the smoke from the cigarette will always tend to go to the non-smoker!!
Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them!!!!



I may not be perfect at what to do but perfect at what not to do.... Venkat!

Keep Smiling !!!!!!
(¨`•.•´¨) It Is The Second
`•.¸(¨`•.•´¨) Best Thing U Can Do
(¨`•.•´¨)¸.•´ With Your Lips!
`•.¸.•´

Elephant -- 5 Bananas

An elephant has 5 bananas and it is hungry, but yet it does not eat the bananas. Why?













Because the bananas are made of plastic.


Next…Q

The 5 bananas are real , but yet the elephant does not eat it. Why?













Because the elephant is made of plastic.

Hahhaa…never give up…one more..


Now,

Both the elephant and the bananas are real, but yet it cannot eat it. Why?
















Because the bananas are in the TV.

Ooops!!! Cool down…


Both the elephant and the bananas are real and in the TV, but yet it cannot eat it. Why?














Because they are on different channels.

Hohohohoohohoh. .hehehe


Both the elephant and the bananas are real and in the TV and on the same channel, but yet it cannot eat it. Why?






Cmon think

















Because the TV is off.

Kikikikikiki..


Now Finally the Elephant gets a chance to eat the bananas.Why?










Itna kyun soch rahe ho yaar..Kya bigada hain usne aapka...Khane do

--
------------------------------------------------------------------
♫♫ Past is Experience! Present is Experiment! Future is expectation! Use u r Experience in u r experiment to achieve u r Expectation. Have a nice day.


I may not be perfect at what to do but perfect at what not to do!

Quick thinking Sardar

Santa used to work in a saw-mill. He was in hospital after he lost his arm in an accident.

Banta was visiting him in the hospital.

Banta, "It was really bad that you lost your hand. However thank God that it was your left hand, since you are right handed."

Santa, "It is also because of my quick thinking. Actually it was the right hand which was going to be caught in the machine. Then I realised that I am right handed and so switched hands just in time!"

Shopping for a Husband

Shopping for a Husband
A store that sells husbands has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is composed of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.

There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.

So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs.

The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes.

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.

The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking.

"Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"

The fourth floor sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework.

"Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight.

The fifth floor sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak.

"Oh, mercy me! But just think... what must be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes.

The sixth floor sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 6,875,953,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

--
******************************************************
God Gave Me Nothing I Wanted.He Gave Me Everything I Needed- Swami Vivekananda
******************************************************

How to impress men and Women

* TO IMPRESS A WOMAN *


Compliment her,

Respect her,

Honor her,

Cuddle her,

Caress her,

Love her,

Comfort her,

Protect her,

Hold her,

Spend money on her,

Wine and dine with her,

Buy things for her,

Listen to her,

Care for her,

Stand by her,

Support her,

Hold her,

Go to the ends of the
Earth for her.



BUT


* HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN *
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
*JUST SMILE ONCE AND HE'S YOURS* (Girls celebrate cheskondi!!!)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

An English professor wrote the words: "A woman without her man is nothing" on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.

All of the males in the class wrote: "A woman, without her man, is nothing."

All of the females in the class wrote: "A woman : without her, man is nothing."

******************************************************
Apologizing doesn’t mean that u r wrong and d other person is right.......It only means that u value d relationship much more than your EGO!

******************************************************

DON'T PERFORM THE 7 ACTIONS BELOW AFTER YOU HAVE A MEAL

THE SEVEN DANGERS


DON'T PERFORM THE 7 ACTIONS BELOW AFTER YOU HAVE A MEAL

.
*     Don't smoke- Experiment from experts proves that smoking a cigarette after meal is comparable to smoking 10 cigarettes (chances of cancer is higher).


*     Don't eat fruits immediately - Immediately eating fruits after meals will cause stomach to be bloated with air. Therefore take fruit 1-2 hr after meal or 1hr before meal.

*   Don't drink tea - Because tea leaves contain a high content of acid. This substance will cause the Protein content in the food we consume to be hardened thus difficult to digest.


*     Don't loosen your belt - Loosening the belt after a meal will easily cause the intestine to be twisted & blocked.


* Don't bathe - Bathing after meal will cause the increase of blood flow to the hands, legs & body thus the amount of blood around the stomach will therefore decrease.  This will weaken the digestive system in our stomach..



*   Don't walk about - People always say that after a meal walk a hundred steps and you will live till 99. In actual fact this is not true. Walking will cause the digestive system to be unable to absorb the nutrition from the food we intake.



 

*     Don't sleep immediately - The food we intake will not be able to digest properly.. Thus will lead to gastric & infection in our intestine.  



FINALLY DONT JUST KEEP THIS EMAIL . . .....
PLEASE FORWARD IT TO YOUR   FRIENDS. LET THEM BE AWARE!! !

Wine - The divine drink

A holy obsession

Wine and woman have always remained as man’s two great desires. While a woman is a part of a man; wine prevails as his biggest obsession. This unearthly drink has admirers from people of classes; emperors to laymen. The impact of wine on human body is nothing less than the ecstatic state achieved by saints and other holy people; (calling liquor spirit is not without cause). This comparison has made wine a holier drink leaving poorbeer the other beverage to remain always as its poor cousin.

There are many wines

Grapes remain the universal source for making Wine but it can also be made from other fruits as well; but they are called fruit wine or the fruit of which is made; like apple wine etc. White wine rose wine, red wine, sweet wine, port wine, sparkling wine, still wine; all these are wines of different hues. Let us see how they are alike and differ.

White wine is colorless made from either green grapes; can also made of red grapes if fermented after removing the skin),

Rose wine is that made from red grapes bottled with its skin and given just sufficient time given for the color of the skin to dissolve in to the must (pulp),

Red wine is made of dark-red grapes first fermented with skin until a light violet hue is imparted in to the must and then fermented second time filtering out the skin,

Sweet wine contains some residual parts of the sugar from the grapes as its fermentation is stalled adding brandy.

Port wine or port (Vinho do Porto) is a sweet wine; a native of Duoro Valley of northern Portugal; though at present many nations make their own brand of port wine.

Sparkling wine is that were fermentation of the residual sugar is allowed to take place in the bottle for rest of the time and carbon dioxide thus produced is allowed to get dissolved in the wine (Champagne is a form of sparkling wine); it is the trapped carbon dioxide that forms the bubbles)

Still wine; as its name suggests the wine is still in the glass with no fuss of bubbles (it contains no trapped carbon dioxide to produce foam).

Country wine, apple wine etc are a class apart as they are made from other fruits and known after the fruits.

Straight from Carpathian; land of the Dracula!

It is believed that wine was first discovered by the Caucasians (the Caucasus consists of the present Georgia and Armenia parts of the erstwhile Soviet Union); the legendary land of lord Dracula.

In Caucasus; around B C 6,500 there lived a farmer who was engaged in farming grapes-vines. One day he kept some grapes in a wooden container and forgot about it. After some days he found some syrupy liquid came out of the grapes got fermented naturally. The violet liquid smelled great and he drank it; woe betides! He poured it in to a jar and buried it in a secret place. Daily he used to visit the spot and took a dose and returned as if nothing has happened.

The grandmother of wine

The temptation of wine was too strong to resist that he could not avoid visiting the spot for a sip. His wife was not less smart; she spied his tryst with wine and discovered the secret. On sustained questioning the poor Caucasian had to confess how he got the brew. Thus that village lady got the formula to become the grandmother of wine; who made it for the first time and became the first wine maker. All said and done the popularity of this holy brew spread all over Caucasus like wild fire!

The heavenly drink going places

Without knowing the chemical changes associated with fermentation; villagers started making and drinking it. It was Mesopotamia which learned the art first from Caucasus; from there to Syria, Palestine and Egypt. The technology growing grapes and fermenting wine reached Europe via Cyprus and Crete. So far the fame of this ‘godly’ liquid spread from ear to ear; but the Egyptians were not satisfied by that they etched making of wine on their tomb-walls and wooden-boards! God Dionysus of the Greeks and Bacchus of the Romans both represent wine. Eucharist of the Christians and Kiddush of the Jews are ceremonies related with wines.

Wine magic

Wine rose to a liquid of historical as well as religious importance; for Christians it represents the blood of god. There were Hindu gods who loved wine. History would have never been the same without the participation of wine. Omar Quay yam treated his life itself as a cup of wine and drank it to the last drop! It had an inseparable role in the history of ancient Egypt and Greece. There are many kings who lost their kingdoms for wine and there are many husbands who have lost their wives for it; that is ‘wine magic’; people simply lose their family, wealth and kingdom for it; and live happily ever after ‘lipping the cup’.

The ingredients

The strangest thing with wine is that it’s making does not require expensive ingredients or machineries. Some grapes, sugar (half the weight of grapes), wheat, clove and cinnamon (very small quantity) are the only requirements for making this holy drink. Its making is so simple that any one who has got a porcelain jar and the above things can brew wine at his home. There is even a branch of science known as enology; that deals with the techniques of wine-making; but the fact is that what these enologists churn out is no where near the product our granny’s make!

(Vinification) (Primary fermentation)

Wash the grapes wash it thoroughly in clean water and dry it with a pure cotton cloth; crush it with bare hands. Place one layer of crushed grapes in the bottom of the jar and sprinkle sugar over it just to hide the grapes (say quarter of an inch). Place sugar and grapes alternatively to half the volume of the jar. Fill the rest quarter with sterile (boiled and cooled) water leaving one quarter of the jar vacant. A five minute stirring once a day may be better for proper mixing.

Secondary fermentation

Wait for two weeks; take the mixture; crush the grapes in to the solution; filter it and remove the seeds and skin. Place a cotton pouch with wheat, clove and cinnamon) in to the solution and keep it in a china-jar (those who don’t have the luxury of owning an oak cask) for another month for aging. When aged the wine can be transferred in to glass bottles. For sparkling wines; some of the fermentation is left to take place in the bottle.

The process given is standard; as per the requirement (white wine red wine etc) this can be changed as given in paragraph subtitled ‘there are many wines’. Grapes though a good choice that gives red wine; cashew apples, gooseberry (amla) etc can be used to make wine. Gooseberry and jaggery (an edible byproduct of sugar) combination is behind the ayurvedic preparation known as Chyavana prasha that bestows eternal youth.

The cup that keeps the doctor away

Wine is not just history and religion; it is a tasty health drink; if the latest inventions are right; a glass (about 125 ml) of red wine a day can keep blood pressure under control and check the pace of aging The rich poly-phenols; contained wine are powerful anti-oxidants and they are capable of reducing the risks of heart attacks. Cancer and several other ailments caused by free radicals that haunt the modern man can be contained by the proper use of wine. Aging stimulated by stress can be kept at bay by the use of wine that unwinds the stressed nerves. Wine can make the hardest pessimistic a little hopeful of life; if not convinced just have a glassful of red wine and go to sleep; sweet dreams will follow!

Sexy making!

The making of wine was intertwined by the cultural etiquettes that existed in each culture; the wood that was selected for making storage cans, the way in which grapes are battered etc. In Europe beautiful girls after properly washing their feet and dressed in shorts and checkered shirts were engaged in mashing the grapes in to pulp. They used their used their bare feet for the jobs. The pulp was kept for three to ten days for fermentation in canisters made of selected wood (mostly oak). It was for them a community celebration.

Industrial revolution

But of late big industries have taken over the role and the processes have been made less labor intensive (read without any glamour or sex-appeal); Sanctity in its making has suffered; heartless machines need participation of no village belle clad in shorts. Steel drums are being used for wooden canisters. Who cares of customs and traditions if the product is to be consumed by unknown people living in some corner of the world! A time may come when clocks will reverse and wine may get released from the clutches of multinationals; let us wait for it with a glass full of nanny-made red wine.

Awake my little ones and fill the cup,

Before life’s liquor in its cup be dry.

Omar Quay yam.

Why India lost World cup final 2003 ?????????

cricket 2003
Why India lost World cup final 2003 ?????????


***********Very serious matter **********



Reason:



Just in case you were still wondering as to why India lost the final of the
2003 world cup after playing so well in the league games, probably here lies the answer.....




The teams that qualified for the super six stage...



India , Sri Lanka , Australia , New Zealand , Kenya ,Zimabawe .





Note there are two teams each from the continents of Asia ,Australasia &
Africa resp .



The teams that have the last alphabet "a" in their names qualified for the
semifinals viz.



Indi'a' , Australi'a' , Keny'a' & Sri Lank'a'.



The teams that have alphabets "ia" at the last of their name qualified for
the Final i.e



Ind "ia" & Austral"ia ".



Now,



Kisne World Cup ''lia'' - Austra"lia"



Kisne World Cup "dia" - In"dia"

Mathematics

Mathematics
1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111

9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888

Brilliant, isn't it?

And finally, take a look at this symmetry:

1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111=12345678987654321

Just for Fun

Just for fun
Saddam Hussain visits God and asks him: " God, When shall I see The defeat of Bush? " God replies:" Son, you will not see it in your lifetime." Hearing this, Saddam Hussain starts crying and goes away. Gen Parvez Musharaff visits God and asks him: " God, when shall I see the Capture of Kashmir by Pakistan. " God replies:" Son, you will not see it in lifetime". Hearing this, Gen Parvez Musharaff starts crying and goes away. Laloo Yadav visits God and asks him:" God when shall I see Bihar Becoming a prosperous and happy state ? " Hearing this, God starts crying. Laaloo is astounded and asks:" God, why are you crying? " God replies:" Son, I will not see it in my lifetime."

Very very interesting notepad...dont miss it

Very very interesting notepad...dont miss it
First copy the below para into NOTEPAD and then set the font to Wingdings
and font style to regular and size to 78.....then u will feel!!!...!!!!!.


­
What would be changed if Laloo Prasad becomes India's Prime Minister:
1. National Anthem : Khana Pina Adhik Zaroorat hai...
2. National Attire : Dhoti & Kurta
3. National Drink : Fresh Buffalo Milk
4. National Animal : Buffalo, from Bihar
5. National Sport : Milking Buffalo (morning) Buffalo Race (evening)
6. Corporate Language : Enlish-va
7. National Toy : A. K. 58
8. National Family Planning Policy : Hum Do, Humare Dozen
9. National Documentry Film : Laloo Ban Gaya Gentleman
10. National Vehicle : Buffalo Cart
11. National Recreation : Pro-creation

Laloo's Slogan:

Jab Tak Rahega Samosa Me Aloo,
Tab Tak Rahega Hamara P.M. Laloo

Can u answer this Questions??

Below are four (4 ) questions . You have to answer
them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them
immediately . OK?


Let's find out just how clever you really are....



Ready? GO!!!



First Question:

You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What
position are you in?













Answer:

If you answered that you are first, then you are
absolutel! y wrong! If you overtake the second person, you take his
place, so you are second!

Try not to screw up next time.
Now answer the second question,
but don't take as much time as you took for the first one, OK ?

Second Question:
I f you overtake the last person, then you are...?















Answer:
If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again.
Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?


You're not very good at this, are you?









Third Question:
Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only .
Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.



Take 1000 and add 40 to it.. Now add another 1000 . Now add 30 .
Add another 1000 . Now add 20 . Now add another 1000
Now add 10 . What is the total?





Did you get 5000 ?

The correct answer is actually 4100.



If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator!
Today is definitely not your day, is it?
Maybe you'll get the last question right....
...Maybe.



Fourth Question:

Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono.
What is the ! name of the fifth daughter?




Did you Answer Nunu?
NO! Of course it isn't.
Her name is Mary. Read the question again!
############################################

Thank God for what you have,
TRUST GOD for what you need.

The Boss Death

The Boss
A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead:

"I'm afraid he died last week. " she explains.


The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss.

"I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week."









The next day he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts:


"I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"


.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.


" Coz . . ." he replied laughing, "I just love hearing it. . . . "


Thank God for what you have,
TRUST GOD for what you need.

Do u wanna see the world after death??

Do u wanna see the world after death?

If yes,Scroll down
.
....


....
.




.....
....





....
.





...
.




...
.






..
.




...........




................






........



DONATE YOUR "EYES"
(This beautiful thought just had to be shared!!!)


If you think you are beaten,you are
If you think you dare not, you don't
If you'd like to win,but think you can't--it's almost
certain that you won't
Life's battles don't always go to the stronger or faster person
But sooner or later,the one who wins,
Is the one who thinks he can....

Always keep smiling..

Guess the profession of the fellow

Guess the profession of the fellow
Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt. The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses,TAG- Heuer wrist-watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie, gets out and asks the shepherd: "If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?"

The shepherd looks at the young man, and then looks at the large flock of grazing sheep and replies: "Okay."


The young man parks the car, connects his laptop to the mobile-fax,enters a NASA Webster, scans the ground using his GPS, opens a datax-ud and 60 Excel tables filled with logarithms and pivot tables, then prints out a 150 page report on his high-tech mini-printer.

He turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1,586 sheep here."


The shepherd cheers,"That' s correct, you can have your sheep."


The young man makes his pick and puts it in the back of his Porsche.


The shepherd looks at him and asks: "If I guess your profession, will you return my animal to

me?"

The young man answers, "Yes, why not?"


The shepherd says,"You are an IT consultant."

"How did you know?" asks the young man.

"Very simple," answers the shepherd. "First, you came here without being called. Second, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew, and third, you don't understand anything

about my business...now can I have my "" DOG "" back?!!!!!!"

Marvellous answer

Marvellous answer


A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come to take a look at his car.


The mechanic shouted across the garage,"Hello Doctor!! Please come over here for a minute."


The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic.


The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, "So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me is doing basically the same work? "


The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic.... .

.
.
.
.
.
.


He said: "Try to do it when the engine is running ".

Is There God??? God Does not Exist.

Is there GOD..??!
GOD doesn't exist.


A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed.

As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation.


They talked about so many things and various subjects. When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said: "I don't believe that God exists."


" Why do you say that?"asked the customer.


"Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist.



Tell me, if God exists,would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children? If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain. I can't imagine loving a God who would allow all of these things."


The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument.


The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop. Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard. He looked dirty and un-kept.


The customer turned back and entered the barber shop again and he said to the barber: "You know what? Barbers do not exist."


" How can you say that?"asked the surprised barber. "I am here, and I am a barber.And I just worked on you!"


"No!" the customer exclaimed. "Barbers don't exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man outside."


"Ah, but barbers DO exist! What happens is, people do not come to me."


"Exactly !"- affirmed the customer. "That's the point! God, too, DOES exist! What happens, is, people don't go to Him and do not look for Him. That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world."