ESOP

ESOP - a Requiem to a new fable.

Sherkhan v/s Mouglies.

Employees can buy stocks from the market if they so choose, why get it from the boss! Seems to be the view of our ultra socialistic FM- new avatar of old Karl Marx! If any company issues shares to its employees “Gr..r..r.” growls the Sherkhan sorry FM “I will tax it so cruelly that no other company will dare to do it again” employees better remain as employees and they becoming partners in management will ruin basics of Marxism.

Rock-juice maker.

Mr. Chidambaram is supposed to be very intellectual and he deserves a doctorate on his innovative techniques in extracting juice from the hardest rock. This budget for the utter dismay of his fans has proved to lack tenacity and guts. He has resorted to un-abashed populism to extract money from corporates without any tinge of ethics or even mercy.

Squeeze it till it bleeds.

The FBT (fringe benefit tax) imposed before on companies who occasionally pay some benefits to their employees, proved to be a money spinner to the greedy government, emboldened by its success the FM is in a frenzy to add all sorts of items in to FBT so that the cows which yield more milk can be further squeezed until they bleed. There is some difference between milk and blood, which the FM doesn’t recognizes.

Once tasted blood!

It is said that tigers generally does not poach on human beings, but when accidentally it happens to taste human blood, the beast go on hunting human beings throughout its life. The frenzy of our FM reminds that story. If hunting employees spoil image, go for the employers, they are small in number and killing them boosts the socialistic image of this hard-core Marxist.

The real socialist.

The author does not know the name of that great man who first opted for the “employees’ stock option program” first, but that man deserves tremendous praise as the employees who work for him become the part owners of the firm which has enriched himself as well as his workers. What a beautiful blood-less revolution, any government which has any commitment to socialism should reward such a model employer and praise him in public.

The friend of the job-seekers!

But our FM is too “socialistic” to do that, for him employers are “petty bourgeois” who should be punished until they leave the job of “generating jobs” and join the rank of unemployed millions. The jobless millions are the darlings of this ‘Neo Marxist” who dream the scenes of Nandan Nilakeni and Azim Premji wander through the streets begging for jobs. “These people who amass wealth is the real threat to our country so I punish them with taxes unheard of in any civilized society” seems to be the ideology of this “learned” man.

ESOP not Aesop.

What is this “ESOP”? Some employers of generally well to do companies award company shares to their employees either free or at a much discounted rate. About ten years back the then FM (Finance Minister) threatened to tax the employees for the monetary benefit they get through selling these shares. This move widely criticized as retrograde and had to be withdrawn. The present one being clever (some tell he is as clever as a fox in the Aesop’s fables!) simply put the burden on to the heads of the company which does not gain anything but goodwill out of this ESOP.

The calculation.

The calculation is very simple, suppose Infy shares are being traded in the bourses at Rs. 2000/- per share and the company allots 100 shares each to every employee at a price of Rs. 100/- the gain per share is Rs.1900/-. When Infosys has 100,000 employees total taxable amount @15% comes to Rs2, 8500, 00, 000/-.plus surcharge, cess of many hues etc. What an idea! The actual ESOP gainer is the idle government which does nothing but to play with all these amounts. When 100 companies opt for ESOP, the calculator with the author not big enough to do that!

Mr. Nasscom don’t knock that door!

A request to “Nasscom” (National Association for Software Service Companies) stop running to the Finance Minister for justice, instead defer the ESOP for an indefinite period, take the case only when this government unconditionally withdraws this draconian decision. If no ESOP is given what the government can do, can it compel your members to give ESOP. Let your members do business as usual and stop pleading with this FM who is out to kill all the geese those lay golden eggs.

The aftermath

What will he do when all the geese are dead, no problem he also will join the ranks of job-seekers along with your members. Jai Jawan, Jai Kisan, Jai Sherkhan!

(Victory to the soldier, victory to the farmer, victory to the “tiger” and down with “Nasscom Mouglies”!)

Anna Nicole Smith

Anna Nicole Smith – Controversial to the grave

Controversy and Anna Nicole Smith were inseparable even in death as they were in life. Anna Nicole Smith shocked, amazed and disgusted her way into the limelight. She was a subject of much ridicule in her life time. And even her death has been made a spectacle and an ongoing joke.

Anna Nicole Smith’s tryst with fame occurred when she was chosen by Hugh Hefner to appear on the cover of the March 1992 issue of Playboy magazine. She later on went to be their playmate of the year 1993. Born Vickie Lynn Hogan, she first appeared in playboy magazine under the name of Vickie Smith. By the time she became playmate of the year she had settled on the name Anna Nicole Smith. During her playboy days she wanted to be the next Marilyn Monroe.

Her stint with playboy gave her some brief success in the modeling world. Her resemblance to Jayne Mansfield helped her in getting her a few modeling assignments. She was even able to replace Claudia Schiffer as the brand ambassador of Guess Jeans. Her provocative ad for the Swedish clothing company H&M caused quite a furor in the Scandinavian countries. Around the same time she sued New York magazine for using a raunchy picture of her as the cover for an issue titled ‘White Trash Nation’.

But what really shocked the world was her marriage to oil billionaire, J. Howard Marshall. The duo met at a Houston strip club and started having a relationship straight away. It was rumored that Marshall used to shower lavish gifts on the blonde. So what’s so scandalous about all this? Well there was the small fact that when they got married to each other in 1994 Marshall was 89 and Anna Nicole Smith 26!!! Though it was always gossiped that she married him for his money, Anna Nicole constantly denied it. Even though she reportedly never lived with him, she always claimed that she loved her husband dearly and that age never mattered to her.

Their marital bliss however lasted only thirteen months. It was terminated by the most likely of all possibilities – Marshall’s death. What then followed has been a legal battle for Marshall’s assets between Anna Nicole and the billionaire’s son E. Pierce Marshall. She claimed that Marshall promised her half his estate if she married him. It is another matter that she was left out of the billionaire’s will. The issue is yet to be resolved even after the death of both Pierce Marshall and Anna Nicole.

She was always a celebrity of barely any talent, with her main claim to fame being her surgically enhanced breasts. And her foray into movies was panned all over. Subsequently she started behaving very recklessly and also began to put on a lot of weight. All of this combined to make her the butt of many a joke at late night TV shows. But she came back slimmer and as host of her own reality show named ‘The Anna Nicole Show.’

In 2006, Anna Nicole announced that she is pregnant. This was followed by utter chaos as both her long time lawyer Howard K. Stern and her ex-boyfriend Larry Birkhead claimed fatherhood of the child. After her death there are even rumours that she used frozen sperm from Marshall to conceive the child. There are at least 3 other people including a former bodyguard who claims to have fathered the child. She gave birth to a baby girl whom she named Dannielynn Hope Marshall Stern. She shifted residence to Bahamas supposedly to avoid any DNA tests on her child.

She however suffered a personal tragedy around the same time when her 20 year old son, Daniel Smith, died at her hospital room, while visiting his mother and sister. It was alleged that he died of drug overdose. He was buried in Bahamas almost six weeks after his death due to conflicts over his autopsy. Meanwhile Anna Nicole got married to Howard K. Stern just 18 days after her son’s death.

Her death too has been mired in controversy. She was found dead in a hotel in Florida by her bodyguard. It is widely believed that she died of a drug overdose although it is yet to be confirmed. What has followed since then has been a fiasco of a legal proceeding to ascertain a lot of issues. From where her final resting place should be to who will get custody of he child and subsequently her assets.

Anna Nicole Smith did not do anything great in her lifetime. She did not possess any great talent to talk about. Still she became famous internationally. At least she achieved in terms of scandal what her idol Marilyn Monroe did.

Love Birds

Love Birds – Their Care and Management

So cute!

If anybody asks me which is the loveliest thing on earth? Without any hesitation I would reply, “Looking inside the cage of lovebirds and watching their activities”. In this world of ego-clashes and marital strife, they go on living a life full of pure, long-lasting and un-adulterated love. It has been proved that the hypertension of modern life can be brought under control by simply watching these cute and playful little birds.

Love-bird therapy!

Experts conduct research to find out the chemistry these little birds possess to keep the flame of love burning, defying the scars of time and age. If these scientists succeed in their attempts and they discover the chemical that can be applied in human beings, honeymoon once lost among quarrelling couples may be brought back for the rest of their life! We may be fortunate enough to see our ever-grumbling grand parents cooing in dark corners along with teen-agers.

Very adaptive.

The actual name of love birds is ‘Budgerigars’. For one and a half century these parrots -like small birds have been undoubtedly the most popular in cages and aviaries all over the world. Apart from their beauty and engaging mannerisms it is their adaptability to cage-conditions that make them admirable pets of bird lovers. In some parts of the world, the African and Madagascan parrot (Agapornis Personata) is also known as the love-birds.

Love to love you baby!

The budgerigars (love-birds) are attractive and playful, have remarkable intelligence, and simple dietary habits. Its color mutations are fascinating and its swift movements and activities bewitching. There are thousands of “love bird societies” actively engaged in exchanging information regarding their upkeep. The author, (a practicing vet surgeon) had always been fascinated by the wonderful world of love-birds and feel happy in the company of the love-bird lovers.

History

The first description regarding these birds was given by the naturalist, Mr. Shaw, in 1789. But only in 1831, a pair of live birds was brought to the Linnaen Society of London as a very valued rare specimen. It was the explorers; Gould along with his wife brought a couple of love-birds to England for the first time in 1840, those birds were captured from South Australia. Mrs. and Mr. Gould are important to bird-lovers in one more aspect as they were the first to report the existence of a beautiful bird “the Gouldian Finch” (which was named after the Goulds).

Wide choice.

The bird’s scientific name is Melopsitaccus undulatus. It has many local names such as ‘Zebra Parakeet’, ‘Canary Parrot’, ‘Shell Parrot’, or simply ‘Love Birds’. The male birds have a typical blue marks on both sides of their beaks and in beauty they excel their counter parts. Melopsitaccus undulatus (love-birds) measures about 7 inches from head to tail-tip and its size is comparable to that of a sparrow.

Varieties

In no other species of birds you can see this much of varieties as you see in love birds. The original birds were green with characteristic dark wing markings. It was over a hundred years of selective breeding that produced such an incredible number of color varieties in these birds. The common basic colors are light green, dark green, yellow, olive, grey, blue-cobalt, mauve, and violet. Their wing markings also vary in color.

Housing solutions.

Love birds can be bred in large cages and more successfully in aviaries. Birds as a whole like to live in their natural habitats so ambient space should be provided inside the cage for flying and for taking rest, objects such as branches of plants drift-wood etc are fine. A space of privacy for laying eggs is of utmost importance in a cage which should not be exposed to direct day-light and curious peeping-Toms! Bamboo-cages or mud-pots etc will serve the purpose; bottom of the cage should invariably be made of wire-mesh. Always keep the cage or aviary in a position which is non-accessible to cats, snakes or other predators.

Give enough space.

The minimum size of a cage for ten birds is one cubic meter or 4’*4’*4’ (large varieties require larger cages) wire-mesh is best for the sides and top can be of wood, tin-sheet, fiber-sheet etc. One type of cage –the box-cage- is made of three sides with tin-sheet and one side with wire-mesh. A sliding tray provided at the bottom is useful for the removal of faecal-materials and food wastes. The removal of wastes can be done once in two days. Again keep in mind that branches of plants should be provided for the birds to exercise and it will help the growth of their finger nails.

How to shop them.

Always purchase young ones from a recognized breeder, better if sourced from a local breeder so that the birds will be better adapted to local conditions. Always purchase young ones at the age group of 6-10 weeks. Give the chicks glucose diluted with water immediately after settling them in to the cage. Love-birds can distinguish color and they are afraid of dark colors. Do not disturb the young ones for the first few days by placing unnecessary dark colored materials inside the cage. When they get familiarized with the cage, small light colored toys such as balls can be given for playing.

Feeding habits (a note of caution)

You can include rice, wheat, ragi (finger millet or thina), maize, small worms, fruits, minced meat, minced eggs, vegetables, leaves, vitamins, mineral mixture etc in the diet of love birds. Some birds are vegetarians and some are non vegetarians. Always keep fresh water inside the cage. Do not keep any food materials for a long time inside the cage, if the birds are not eating it, remove it never keep stale materials inside the cage. Love-birds eat grains leaving its chaff as such; the full shaped chaff may give the owner a false feeling that the food remains un-touched by the birds. There are instances of birds starved to death as keepers mistake chaff as uneaten food.

Breeding, the multiplying effect.

Birds will start laying eggs from sixth month onwards. A small clutch may consist of anything from 3-8 eggs, the majority of which will be fertile. Incubation takes about 18-21 days. The chicks however hatch at intervals because; the eggs are usually laid on alternate days. It’s not uncommon therefore for the last egg to hatch 10 days or more after the first. Even though both parents feed the young ones, it is the female which usually remain inside the nest while the male collects food. The young leave the nest when about a month old and their parents feed them for two more weeks. By about two months, the chicks start to fly independently eat food by themselves. The colors begin to develop at the age group of three two four months.

Better management, better health.

It will be safer to trim wing-feathers at the edge so that the birds will not fly too fast. Always do it with utmost care. Trimming of the nails reduces the habit of fighting and injuring each other. Nail trimming can be done at the age of 6 months. It is not necessary to bath the birds. Keep adequate quantity of water in the cage so that they may take bath themselves as per their wish. Keep in mind that the water containers are shallow, lest the birds might drown.

Common aliments and their treatment

Common diseases of love birds are :-

1) Chronic respiratory disease: - Main symptoms are droopiness, loss of appetite, mouth breathing etc. Sometimes a mucous discharge may come from nostrils. Some may produce snoring sounds

2) White dysentery:- Faecal materials may be loose and may even contain blood tinge.. Birds will appear droopy and may become anorectic.

3) Worm infestation:- Birds may often get affected by worms. The main symptoms are droopiness, dizziness, become lazy and anorectic. Fecal material may contain blood tinge.

4) :- External Parasites:- some times external parasites such as flies, tics, lice etc may become a menace to the aviary. Frequent cleaning using disinfectants or external parasiticide may reduce the risks.

In all these cases if a bird is noticed having any ailment, separate it from other birds and give proper treatment. Always keep in mind to consult a veterinarian if your own treatment is not showing any success.

Tips

1. Choose aviary only if you have sufficient time to spare and adequate affection towards pets, because love birds need more care and attention.
2. Bring your chicks at the age group of six to ten weeks.
3. Always purchase chicks from a local recognized breeder.
4. Spare some time everyday to mingle with the birds because they need more love and affection.
5. Never overcrowd the cage (allow one cubic meter for 10 birds- about 4’*4’*4’)
6. Always keep small branches of trees or rods inside the cage giving ambient settings for the birds to take rest and to feel at home.
7. Make sure that your neighbors are not bird-unfriendly (who are in the habit of making disturbing sounds) before starting your aviary.

Birds are our feathered friends and if properly loved and nurtured they will bring us that much joy no friend or relative can match. When struck with bouts of depression or plagued by feelings of let down, just go to the bird’s cage and watch their activities, and get relieved of all the tensions, fantasize you are one among them and feel the difference! Love birds are messengers of love; love them and experience the pleasure of giving love. Forget all the pains those ail you and gain the wings of love!

Bollywood

Bold New Bollywood

There has always been a set formula for any Bollywood movie over the years. It would either be a love story or it would be an action thriller (read revenge movie). In the love story, boy would meet girl and would promptly fall in love with each other at the drop of a hat. One of them would be poor and the other rich. Their families would fight tooth and nail over their pairing. Ultimately love conquers all and all is well that ends well. As for the action movies, some great injustice or crime might be committed against the hero and the rest of the movie would be his quest for vengeance, in which he would ultimately succeed. Add to this lavishly picturized songs and a ridiculous comedy track and you have your Bollywood movie made. All this has changed in the last one year.

If you look at the movies released last year they are vastly different form one another. From Bollywood’s first super hero in ‘Krishh’ to the thought provoking ‘Rang De Basanthi’. From ‘Lage Raho Munnabhai’ to ‘Kabul Express’ to ‘Dhoom 2’ the movies have been vastly different from one another.

In ‘Krish’ India received its own version of Superman and it immediately was taken to hearts by the kids of this country. The day of merchandising too arrived along with it and Bollywood made tons of money form the whole brand. If Krsih was an out and out commercial venture, ‘Rang De Basanthi’ proved that movies can in fact influence people’s thinking and get them motivated to raise their voices. It showed today’s generation not to take anything lying down and to raise their voice against injustice. The movie’s theme was so influential it had its repercussion in real life issues like the Jessica Lal, the Priyadarshini Mattoo and the Nitish Katara murder cases. The public outcry against the injustice in these cases were amazingly similar to the events depicted in the film.

‘Lage Raho Munnabahai’ made Gandhi cool to a generation who has now forgotten his values or even more shameful, has forgotten him itself. They re-introduced Gandhi and his philosophies to those who think that he was only a part of some bygone fable. The movie did this by showing Gandhi’s teachings in a package more digestible to the new generation and they lapped it up with open arms.

‘Kabul Express’ was one of those rare road movies in Bollywood. This movie was about two Indian journalists traveling to post 9/11 Afghanistan and the events and people they meet along the way. It was completely different from anything the Indian audience had witnessed before.

Dhoom 2, was a complete high budget commercial flick. It belonged to the action adventure genre and became the biggest hit of the year. It even had a much talked about kissing scene between Hrithink Roshan and Aishwarya Rai. Add to that some superb visual effects, by Indian standards, and the movie went on to become a nationwide hit.

Even the king of formula film making in Bollywood, Karan Johar, had to get out of his comfort zone to make ‘Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna’. Johar who usually deals with opulent love stories was forced to tackle a serious subject like infidelity and incompatibility in marriages. It is another matter that he still managed to candy floss the matter in his own way. The point is that filmmakers today realize that the audience requires something different and with substance to sustain their interest.

The shift from the formula films to these bold new ventures have not come overnight. It has been building up for quite some time. The main reason, one feels, is that Bollywood now is catering to a much more international audience than ever before. Films released abroad regularly collects as much, if not more than those released in India, thanks mainly due to the huge Indian Diaspora. The film makers know that to satisfy this audience, who has grown up on a steady diet of Hollywood movies, they will have to travel the off beat path of film making. Also the awareness of the Indian audience too has increased due to the accessibility of western movies via the numerous movie channels available here.

The recent movie Nishabdh is a prime example of the changing face of Bollywood. The movie which deals with the story of a 60 year old man’s love for an 18 year old is bold as well as daring by Indian values and conventions. Can anyone have imagined this movie being made some 5 years back?

These are interesting times in Bollywood. Even though we still have a long way to go in dealing with controversial subjects objectively in our movies, we seem to be moving in the right direction. Let’s hope we would continue in the same vein and deal with sensitive topics in a most sensible way.

Shoaib Akhtar

Dropped, Doped or Duped? – The drug scandal in cricket

The drug scandal has hit yet another spot. After the perpetual doping cloud hovering over cycling and a whole gamut of other athletic and sporting events, it is now cricket’s turn to face this most scandalous of controversies. Needless to say, the failed drug test of Shoaib Akhtar and Mohammed Asif is the biggest crisis the sport has faced after the match fixing scandals in the early part of the millennium.

To start off, the way the ICC has dealt with the whole issue is baffling. During the last world cup in 2003, Shane Warne had the dubious distinction of being the first player to be caught of doping. However the ICC gave him only a token punishment of just 1 year. It was in no way the right signal to send to would be offenders. The punishment was too lenient to be a deterrent to others.

But what was even most baffling is the claim by the ICC that drug test would be conducted only for its own premier events; like the world cup and the Champions Trophy. More than anything, this showed how ineffectual the ICC is in running the game. Is the ICC saying that a player is free to take drugs for other tournaments and series, but for some haloed reason the World Cup and such events need to be treated with utmost reverence? Or are they still naïve enough to believe that cricket is still a gentleman’s game and that they lose their honesty only during the World Cup and such event?

Coming back to the Akhtar and Asif saga, these two players were first found to be having high quantities of Nandrolone in their blood in an internal drug test conducted just prior to the Champions Trophy in India. They were subsequently pulled out of the Champions Trophy and were promptly suspended for two years. However they were let off by an appellate tribunal. The duo then went on to play for Pakistan in their recent tour of South Africa.

But there was no doubt that the shadow of doubt regarding their drug offence still persisted and it was no secret that they would be targeted for another round of testing at the World Cup. Probably realizing this, the PCB allegedly sent both these players to England in a futile attempt to flush the traces of Nandrolone from their body. They were even missing from the mandatory drug tests that all their players were subjected to. The excuse given was that the duo was undergoing treatment for their respective injuries.

The entire episode smelt strongly of a massive cover up. If Akhtar and Asif were genuinely injured, the secrecy and intrigue surrounding it defied logic. Both left for treatment on the same plane and went to the same country. But then the place or the kind of treatment they underwent is shrouded in mystery.

The PCB needs to explain to its stake holders the very purpose of their drug tests. Is it for finding drug offenders and punishing them suitably? Or is it for protecting their own players from getting a life ban? The PCB has put at risk its own credibility by choosing to take the later option. They need to make up their minds and convince the rest of the world that Akhtar and Asif were indeed injured and hence were dropped. Otherwise they should come out into the open and take proper action against the duo, thereby admitting to their guilt. But right now the PCB has opted for the stupidest and easiest option. They are trying to dupe the whole world. Only problem is that the world is not as full of fools as they thought

Pongal

Pongal – South India’s Most Favorite Rural-festival.

For South India especially Tamilnadu “Pongal” is the most important rural festival, It is a season with a chain of festivals touching all aspects related with life of rural folks like cleanliness, good food, plants, animals last but not the least human bondages. Pongal is for them a season to forget all their day to day worries and spent a happy time taking part in utter gaiety and they observe all the customary rituals attached to it. Bhogi, Surya-Pongal, Thai-pongal, Mattupongal, Kanum-pongal etc are parts and parcel of the Pongal series and each Pongal has its own rituals to perform and celebrations to enjoy!

Bhogi.

The onset of Pongal being calculated in the solar calendar is with slight variations with the Gregorian calendar, it generally falls between 13th and 16th January. “Bhogi” is the primary function which tells the onset of big things to come. Rural folks generally never throw away used items like tools, kitchen-utensils, torn dress, old brooms etc, but bhogi is for them to discard all these useless things and do a thorough cleaning to their home and surroundings, a rural “ring out the old, ring in the new”.

Surya-Pongal.

This day is the first of the celebrations which meant to worship the “Sun-god”. In the morning itself people decorate the entrance to their house with beautiful designs drawn with rice-powder (these designs are known as kolam). This work is the fiefdom of the girls they perform it waking up early in the morning taking bathe and wearing new dress that is purchased for the festival. The special food for Pongal is the gruel made of rice and molasses. The pot with the mixture is so boiled that the contents spill over the pot. This spilling is what called Pongal (rising) at that time all in the home loudly cheer and say Pongal O Pongal!

Thai-Pongal.

Thai-Pongal is left for the plants, it is this day saplings are planted and it is believed that those planted on this day flourish, As the village life is in-separable from their cattle and their plants and trees, villagers have left one day each to both of them. There is one more day which is perhaps the most important, what is that? Let us see!

Mattu-Pongal.

Mattu-Pongal is the day for the cattle (madu in Tamil means cattle), the rural folks get their cattle thoroughly washed and decorate their forehead with saffron and feed them with special food as much as they like! Cattle sheds are also given face-lift. Bullocks which work in the fields are given a full day’s rest, a rare holiday for these beasts of burden!

Kanum-Pongal.

This day is for human relationships, on this day people visit their relatives and get engaged in pleasantries. Elder ones exchange gifts to youngsters and they spend time in discussing old events and times, the cup of nostalgia overflows some weep and some laugh! Girls married off to distant places often get a chance to visit their ancestral homes by the grace of this Kanum-Pongal.

It seems really wonderful to see that how old rituals have evolved to make man a better being by sparing a day to each of them, one for cleaning, one for celebration, one for plants, one for animals and the last for human-relationships! Let the Pongals live for ever! Along with them the pleasures of rural life!

And now this celebration has crossed the borders and has become the main ritual in the temples of southern Kerala, only that the pronunciation changed to ‘Pongaala’ . The Pongaala of ‘Aattukal’ of Trivandrum attracted more than 35 lakhs of ladies this 3.3.2007 is no small wonder.

Men and Marriage

Men and Marriage

I have met a lot of men out there who have a funny point of view on marriage. Some look forward to it while some others run away. Some succumb to outside compulsions while some just take it as a natural occurrence in the journey of life. But no matter what, in the Indian society it is very difficult to live without getting married.

I have known guys of the incurable romantic variety, whose only goal in life it might seem is to get married. You can easily recognize such guys. They are the ones you see always accompanying a girl to wherever she goes. Mind you I said girl, not girls, coz the intentions of these guys are very noble. They thrust their faces in front of the girl so often that it would be almost impossible for the girl to even see anything else. Greatest mysteries as to how she manages to walk without tripping over him. He does this so often, mainly in the pretext of helping her that the girl begins to see him even when she closes her eyes. He does this until either the girl has to hit him away with a sledgehammer or agrees to marry him just to stop him pestering her.

Then there are those guys who are complete commitment phobic. They are scared of their loss of freedom. They have nightmares of having to live the rest of their life with the same woman. They are terrified of the thought of having to consider and take care of someone else other than themselves. These guys you can easily recognize in marriages or in the company of married couples. They look at other men with utmost pity and sympathy. There are even some who look at the married fools (or so they think) with a smug look on their faces and contempt in their eyes.

Now the most curious variety to me is the ones who get married just to get over with the whole affair. These poor souls are those eligible bachelors who are constantly nagged with the question “Why are you not getting married?” or the even more concerning “Oh you are not married yet?” They are the flavor of the day wherever they go. Parents, of girls who are of marriageable age, start enquiring about him behind his back. Covert operations, that would put any spy thriller to shame, are set in motion to know of the person’s character. Not to mention the pressure from his own mother, who starts mouthing off sentimental typical Indian dialogues like “I want to see my grandson before I die”? The poor guy just doesn’t know what hit him.

His troubles don’t end there either. This sets the ball rolling on a whole lot of whacky episodes at his house. Bio-data of various potential ‘candidates’ are collected from marriage bureaus all over the globe (ah the magic of internet!!!) and his own bio-data is send to them. The short listed candidate’s horoscopes are matched by at least 3 expert astrologers, all coming to vastly different conclusions, predicting the direst of dire consequences that scares the hell out of all concerned. In the end one suitable candidate is found and the parents, more out of relief than anything else, rush through the formalities. The guy watches the whole thing get out of his control and goes through the motions in a state of complete bewilderment. Before he even realizes it, he is standing at the altar tying the knot of his life.

But the saddest of the lot are the ones who want to get married and are not able to do so due to various reasons. Mostly these are guys who have had other commitments to deal with when they were young and now want to start life afresh. However they are now past ‘acceptable’ marriageable age and have a tough time finding suitable partners. You can identify these guys by the look on their face that resembles that of a hungry puppy waiting for its next meal from its master, every time they see a lady. Even sorrier are those guys who can’t get married coz of some complications in their horoscope which prevent them from finding their dream match. These guys go about life wishing for a second big bang and obliterate all those heavenly bodies that have royally screwed up his life.

So why do we men get married? Barring a very few most of all the above mentioned categories of men eventually get married. Why would anyone knowingly go through their whole life bound to someone? Almost all married men I have met complaints of the lack of freedom, the constant nagging, the extra ordinary mood swings of the woman in their life. They even have to endure the mother of all battles from time to time; the one for the remote!!! They even begin to act saintly and learned, and start mouthing off pearls of wisdom to other younger unmarried men, all the while admitting that they are yet to figure out the most complex of God’s creations – a woman’s mind. Event those ladies who seems docile before marriage, magically transforms into Hitler reincarnated after it.One is tempted to ask why anyone would go through all this trouble in the first place.

The answer is simple. Men, even though they act tough on the outside, are really weak being when it comes to matters of heart. Men, more than any other creature, need companionship. They want their egos to be boosted when they feel good and to be soothed when it is bruised. They are scared of being lonely for the rest of their lives. Afraid they would be leaving this earth without a legacy behind. Men need wives because they know that only a wife can complete him. He needs that life partner, the responsibility and commitment towards her to make him a better being. But the most illogical and maybe the most important reason is love.

So what kind of a married man am I, happy or sad? Well… the kind of man who is smart enough to know that his wife would be reading this post with quite some interest. The kind of man who knows that he is too young to die!!!