Santa Singh's Interview..

Santa Singh's Interview..

Santa Singh, who has a bad memory, goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer starts with the basics. 'So, can you tell us your age, please?'

Santa counts carefully on his fingers for half a minute before replying. 'Um ... 28.'

The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. 'And can you tell us your height, please?'

The man stands up and produces a measuring tape from his handbag. He then traps one end under his foot and extends the tape to the top of his head. He checks the measurement and announces, 'Five foot four!'

This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics; something the he won't have to count, measure, or lookup. 'Just to confirm for our records, your name please?'

Santa Singh bobs his head from side to side for about fifteen seconds, mouthing something silently to himself, before replying, 'Santa Singh!'

The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks, 'What were you doing when I asked you your name?'

'Oh, that!' replies Santa,' I was just running through that song, 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear...  "Santa Singh" ''

Sardar Jokes

-

1 A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after Every 10 Sec a woman gives Birth to a
Kid. A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.



2 Sardar-why r all these people running?

Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why r others running?


3 Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense

Sardar: The future tense is "u will go to jail".


4 Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as to what to be filled

in column "Salary Expected". After much thought he wrote: Yes!


5 Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants. Servant it's already raining. Sardar: So what? Take an umbrella and go.


6 Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer gave 11cr after deducting tax. Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs back.


7 Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet
Sardar:- why did u come so far. Instead u could have posted it....


8 Sardar's wish :when i die,i wana die like my grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all the passengers in the car he was driving..

9 Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art ? Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!


10 Sardar was writing something very slowly. Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly? Sardar: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.

Sardar Jokes

> > >> > A sardar invested 2 Lakhs in a business and Suffered huge Loss.
> > >> > Do u Know what the business was? . . . .. .
> > >> > . . . .. . . He opened a Saloon in Punjab!
> > >> >
> > >> > A sardarji photographer is focusing a dead body's face in a
> > >> > funeral function, suddenly all dead persons relatives beat him.
> > >> > why? He said "SMILE PLEASE"
> > >> >
> > >> > Sardarji gets ready, wears tie, coat, goes out, climbs tree,
> > >> > and sits on the branch regularly. A man asks why he does this.
> > >> > Sardarji: "I've been promoted as branch manager."
> > >> >
> > >> > Why is a Sardarji standing below a tube light with a open
> > >> > mouth................. Because his doctor advised him "Today's
> > >> > dinner Should be light"
> > >> >
> > >> > One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college.
> > >> > U know Why? Because he wanted to check where the question paper
> > >> > is leaking...
> > >> >
> > >> > Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.
> > >> > Servant: It's already raining. Sardar: So what take an umbrella
> > >> > and go.
> > >> >
> > >> > Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever -
> > >> > What will Come first, Chicken or egg? O Yaar, what ever u order
> > >> > first will come first.
> > >> >
> > >> > A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a
> > >> > cricket match. All were busy writing except one Sardarji. He
> > >> > wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"
> > >> >
> > >> > Postman: - I Have To Come 5 Miles to Deliver U This Packet
> > >> > Sardar: - Why Did u come so far. Instead u could have posted
> > >> > it....
> > >> >
> > >> > A Sardar & his wife filed an application for Divorce.
> > >> > Judge asked: How'll U divide, U"VE 3 children?
> > >> > Sardar replied: Ok! We'll apply NEXT YEAR
> > >> >
>> > >> > Sardar's wish: when i die, i wana die like my grandpa who died
> > >> > peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all d passengers in
> > >> > d bus he was driving..
> > >> >
> > >> > A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after every 10 sec
> > >> > a woman gives birth to a kid. A Sardar stands up- We must find
> > >> > & stop her!.
> > >> >
> > >> > A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at
> > >> > evening not in The morning. Sardarji replied ''Arey bhai
> > >> > Manmohan is PM not AM''.
> > >> >
> > >> > Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital. The Chinese
> > >> > friend just Says "CHIN YU YAN" and dies. Sardarji goes 2 china
> > >> > 2 find meaning of friends last words. It is 'U R STANDNG ON the
> > >> > OXGN TUBE!"
> > >> >
> > >> > Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes
> > >> > closed. His Wife asked what you are doing. He said-I am seeing
> > >> > how I look while sleeping.
> > >> >
> > >> > Why did Sardar cut the sides of the capsule before taking it?
> > >> > Guess what...---To avoid side effect!!!
> > >> >
> > >> > Man: Sardarji where were u born? Sardarji: Punjab.
> > >> > Man: Which part?
> > >> > Sardar: Oye part part kya kar raha hai, whole body is born in
> > >> > punjab".
> > >> >Sardar got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket.
He gave Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said April fool. I have pass.

------------ --

Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the
computer.
Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.

------------ ---------
On a romantic day sardar's girlfriend asks him. Darling on our
engagement day will you give me a ring.
Sardar : Ya sure, from landline or mobile.

------------ --------

2 sardars were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have one more.

============ ========= ==

Sardar was busy removing a wheel from
his auto. A man asks sardar why
are you removing a wheel from your auto.
sardar : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler.

============ ========= ====

Sardar : What is the name of your car ?
Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with "T".
Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi
petrol se start hoti hai.

============ ========= =======

Boss : Where were you born ?
sardar : Punjab .
Boss : which part ?
sardar : Kya which part ? Whole body born in punjab.

============ ======

How will you destroy a submarine full of sardars ?
Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it.

A Sardar -- German -- Pakistani -- Funny

A Sardarji, a German and a Pakistani got
arrested consuming alcohol which
is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia, so
for the terrible crime they are
all sentenced 20 lashes each of the whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik announced:

"It's my first wife's birthday today,and she has asked me to allow
each of you one wish before your whipping."

The German was first in line, he thought for a while and then said:  "Please tie a pillow to my back."


This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes & the German had to
be carried away bleeding and crying with  pain.

The Pakistani was next up. After watching the German in horror he said
smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back."


But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes & the Pakistani was also
led away whimpering  loudly.


The Sardar ji was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the
Sheikh turned to him and said:

"You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is
one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"

"Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness," Sardarji replied.


"In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not  20,  but 100 lashes."


"Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also
very brave." The Sheik said with an admiring look on his face.

"If 100 lashes is what you desire, then  so be it.

"And what is your second wish, ?" the Sheik asked.


Sardar ji smiled and said, "Tie the Pakistani to my back" !!!

Sardar Brain

One Sardar fed up with all Sardar scenarios and went to doctor. He asked
doctor to put 1 Kg of brain in his head. He asked about the cost. Doctor asked him whose brain it shoud be? It depends on that.

Doctor explaining about brain cost
"If Engineers Brain - Rs. 1000 per gram"
"If Doctors Brain - Rs. 1200 per gram"
"If Lawyers Brain - Rs. 2000 per gram"

Sardar questioned "What about a Sardar's ?"
Doctor answered "Its too costly, Rs. 100000 per Gram"

Sardar is happy about the cost of Sardar's brain and he think its
precious,
but asked doctor with anxiety
"Why? Doctor, Its so costly".
Doctor explained "Because to collect 1 gram brain, do you know how
many Sardars are needed?"

Sardar Collections - 4

Santa Singh was walking on the road and paused to read the graffiti on the wall.
It read "Padne waala gadha."(one who reads it is an ass.)
Santa Singh thought for an hour, erased it and wrote back,"Likhne waala gadha."(One who wrote it is an ass).

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Mrs. Banta Singh was in the habit of having long conversation on the telephone, sometimes going on over an hour. One day she hung up after 25 minutes."What is the matter today? asked her husband. "Today you had less than half an hour conversation on the phone."
"I got a wrong number," replied Mrs. Banta Singh.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Banta Singh was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defence.
"They should nto put up such misleading notices,"said Banta Singh." It said , FINE FOR PARKING HERE."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mrs Kartar had bought a beautiful sweater for her husband . She sent it to her husband by parcel post along with a note. The note said : ' The buttons of the sweater are removed since they where too heavy and added to the postage . You will find them in the right hand pocket of the sweater .

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Avtar & Kartar used to stay in same building . Avtar on the Ground floor & Kartar on the 25thfloor. One day when the lift was not working , Kartar invited Avtar for a Dinner. Avtar trudged up to 25thfloor to find Kartar's flat closed from outside and had a note which read : ' How did you enjoy your dinner ? '
Not to be outdone , Avtar wrote under it , ' Sorry , I could not make it . '


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Santa Singh : 'Look Banta, what type of glasses they have made.
The top is closed. How can you fill lassi in it ?'
Banta Singh : 'Yes, that's funny. And even if you make a hole at the top, how will
the lassi stay in the glass when the bottom is open?'

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A sardarji with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear." "Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But .. what happened to your other ear?" "The scoundrel called back."


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A sardar sees lot of guys running on the highway. Asks a bystander as to why are the guys doing what they are doing. The bystander,"A Marathon race is going on. Sardar : What do they get from that? Bystander : The winner will get a prize Sardar : Then why are the others running?

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Then there`s the one about the Sardarji who brought his binoculars to a funeral where they were going to bury a distant relative of his...

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Sardar Checks Spellings

Do u know What Surdarji will do after taking Xerox ?
He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes !!


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sardar takes xerox
6. Do u know what surdarji will do if he wants a white paper
? (he
already has one and he wants one more..) He takes a Xerox of
the white paper !!!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sardar and Lotto



A Sardarji finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone
bust and he's in serious financial
trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask Bhagwan for
help.

He goes into the temple and begins to pray........... "Oh
Bhagwan, please help me, I've lost my
business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my
house as well, please let me win the
lotto".

Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.

The Sardarji goes back to the temple.....................
"Bhagwan, please let me win the lotto, I've lost
my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well".

Lotto night comes and the Sardarji still has no luck!!
Back to the temple..................

"My Bhagwan, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business,
my house, my car and my wife
and children are starving.. I don't often ask you for help and
I have always been a good servant to
you. Why won't you just let me win the lotto this one time so I
can get my life back in order???".

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the sky parts
open and the Sardarji is confronted by the
voice of Lord :

"SARDARJI, BUY THE DAMN TICKET FIRST".
*****

Punjabi and Bengali patriotism



A Punjabi Sardar and a Bengali Babu were talking about their State's patriotic history during the freedom struggle. The debate heated up and both ended up claiming that their state had the maximum number of freedom fighters.

They finally agreed on a method to find which of the states had more freedom fighters. Each person would say the name of a freedom fighter from his state and pull one hair out of his opponents head. Both of them began earnestly. "Bhagat Singh" said the Sardar and pulled one hair from the Bengali. "Netaji" said the Bengali and did the same.

They continued like this for some time, but soon exhausted all known freedom fighters. The Bengali, however, was very clever. He used Sardar's ignorance and reeled off a lot of imaginary names.

The Punjabi was stuck. He did not know any more Punjabi freedom fighter's name. He thought deeply for a moment, jumped on the Bengali's head and pulled all his hair out shouting - "JallianWala Bagh".

*****

Sardar keeps a bet



Surjit Singh saw that his friend Baljit Singh was very
depressed.
"What happened ?" asked Surjit.
"Yaar, I lost Rs. 800 in a bet yesterday . " "How come ?"
"Well, yesterday, the one-day match between India and England
was being shown live on TV.I bet Rs.500 that India would win,
but I lost the bet."
" But thats only Rs. 500, where did the rest go ?" " Yaar, I
bet on the highlights too "

****

Balbir

A sardar had arrived early at the stadium for the first cricket game
of the series between local rival teams only to realize that he had
left his ticket at home. Not wanting to miss any of the first inning,
he went to the ticket booth and got in a long line for another
seat.After an hour's wait he was just a few feet from the booth when a
voice called out, "Hey, Balbir!"
He looked up, stepped out of line and tried to find the owner of the
voice-with no success.Then he realized he had lost his place in the
line, and had to go back to the end of the line and wait all over
again.After he had purchased his ticket, he was thirsty, so he went to
buy a coke. The line at the concession stand was also very long. But
since the game hadn't started he decided to wait. Just as he got to
the window, a voice called out"Hey, Balbir!"
Again He tried to find the voice and got out of line as he wandered
looking for the owner of the voice. But no luck.
He was very upset as he got back in line for his coke.Finally he had
his coke and took his seat eager for the game to begin. As he waited
for the first pitch, he heard the voice calling, "Hey, Balbir!" once
more.
Furious, He stood up and yelled at the top of his lungs,"My name isn't
Balbir

*****

Suicidal Sardar



An American, an Italian and a Surd were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building...

They were eating lunch and the American said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building." The Italian opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Pasta again! If I get pasta one more time I'm going to jump off, too." The surd opened his lunch and said, "Paratha and dhal again. If I get paratha and dhal one more time I'm jumping too."

Next day - The American opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death. The Italian opens his lunch, sees pasta and jumps too. The Surd opens his lunch, sees paratha and dhal and jumps to his death also...

At the funeral.....
The American's wife is weeping...She says, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!
The Italian's wife also weeps and says " I could have given him pizza or lasagna! I didn't realize he hated pasta so much."
Everyone turned and stared at the Surd's wife... "Hey, don't look at me," she said, "He makes his own lunch!"


******

Sardar in Texas



A patrol car has been following this vehicle for about 30 minutes now, when they finally decide to pull it over. The officer steps out and walks up to the surd's window.
"Goodafternoon, sir."
"Good afternoon, any problems?"
"No sir. My partner and I have been following and observing you for a half an hour now. We ascertained that you have not committed one single traffic violation, you have not gone over the speed limit by even 1 mph, you were courteous towards the fellow drivers on the road. Therefore, as a part of our new "Solid Driving Awareness Program", I would like to present you with this check for $30,000.00."

The surd lets out a big sigh of relief:"Oh good! Now I can finally pay to get my driver's license."
Awkward silence, then the surd's wife sitting in the passenger seat goes, "Don't listen to him, officer. He always talks nonsense when he has been drinking."
Surd's Grandma, who's a little hard of hearing, adds from the backseat, "Aye aye aye, didn't I tell you not to go in a stolen car?"
At this time the surd's trunk pops open and a head peeks out, "Are we over the border yet?"
--
******************************************************
I may not be perfect at what to do but perfect at what not to do!
******************************************************

Sardar Collections - 3

Sardar as the Railway Driver

A train which was going peacefully on the rail-tracks suddenly deviated
from the tracks and went to the fields nearby and then came back on the
tracks. The passengers were horrified. On the next Railway station the
driver was caught : He was found to be a Sardar . He was questioned .
He explained that there was a man standing on the tracks and he was not
moving from there even after lots of honks etc .

Then authorities questioned : Sardarji are you mad! just to save life of one
person you put life of so many passengers under danger.You should have
overran that person .

Sardar said : Exactly, that is what i also decided, but this idiot started
running towards the field when the train came very close.

*****

Examination



Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University final
examination which consists of Y/N type questions.
He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question
paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his
wallet out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the
answer sheet - Y for Heads and N for Tails. Within half an hour he is
all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out.

During the last few minutes, he is seen desperately throwing the coin,
swearing and sweating.
The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.

"Oye, I finished the exam in half and hour". "But yaar", he says,
"I am rechecking my answers and am not able to tally them with what I
wrote."

****

Biography of a Sardar

Read this biography of a sardar

When God passed out looks,
I thought He said books, and I didn't want any.
When God passed out ears,
I thought He said beers, and I asked for two long ones.
When God passed out legs,
I thought He said kegs, and I asked for two fat ones.
When God passed out noses,
I thought He said roses, and I asked for a big red one.
When God passed out heads,
I thought He said beds, and I asked for a big soft one.
When God passed out brains,
I thought he said trains, and I missed mine.
****

Businessmen



There were 4 sardars in Mumbai. They decided to start
a business. They had a lot of discussions on the type
of business and finally decided to start a hotel. They
selected the best of locations and cooks and built the
hotel. The hotel was inaugrated and was awaiting its
first customer. The sardars waited and waited but
nobody turned up. The story was the same the next day.
A week passed but nobody turned up. WHY ? -B'coz there
was a sign at the entrance "Visitors not allowed"

After the failure of their hotel they decided to start
an auto garage. They bought the best of car servicing
equipments and soon started the garage. The 4 sardars
waited that day for the first car to arrive butno car
entered their garage. WHY ?

B'coz their garage was on the first floor.

After this failure they decided to fall back on the
good old taxi driving. They bought a new Premier
Padmini running on CNG and began to look for
passengers. They drew past Church Gate but nobody
hailed their taxi. They went to Nariman point yet
nobody hailed their taxi. They drove to Chatrapati
Shivaji Terminus, even there nobody hailed their taxi.
In desperation they kept on driving all around Mumbai
but alas no one hailed their taxi. WHY ?

B'coz all the four sardars were sitting in the taxi.

All the 4 sardars were very disgusted with their naseeb an
decided to push their taxi into the sea at Marine Lines.
They started pushing their taxi. They pushed the whole
day and were very exhausted but the taxi did not move
even an inch. They decided to rest for the night and
start the next day. The next day the story repeated
itself. The taxi just wouldnt move. They pushed for a
whole week but the taxi wouldnt budge. WHY ?

B'cos two sardarjis were pushing from front and two from behind.

*****

Surd Freedom Fighters



Once there was a meeting of all the Surd freedom fighters. They were planning for free Punjab.

Santa Singh raised a point, "Oh..we'll get Punjab from India but how would we develop it?" That was a difficult question indeed.

Suddenly Banta Singh replied, "No problem! we'll attack USA, it would take over us and then we would be a state of USA and we'll automatically get developed."

All the surds became happy on this very simple solution but an old surd did not utter a single word. Someone asked him why he wasn't happy. The surd replied, "OH! THAT'S ALRIGHT BUT...WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE WE TAKE OVER USA ?????"


****

Surds Moms Letter



Pyaaaray Puttar,

Vahe Guru. I am writing this letter slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from your home, so we moved! I won't be able to give you the address as the last sardar who stayed in this house took the numbers with them for their next house, so they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works too well, last week I put in three shirts and pulled the chain and I HAVE NOT SEEN THEM SINCE.

The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for three days and the second time for four days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your aunt said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with all the buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.

We got another bill from the funeral home. It said that if we don't make the last payment on GRANDMA'S FUNERAL, she will come up again. Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass in the cemetary. Your sister had a baby this morning, I haven't found out whether it is a boy or a girl, so I don't know whether you are an uncle or an aunty.

Your Uncle Jatinder fell into a whisky vat. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pick-up truck. One was driving and the other two were in the back. the driver got out- he rolled the window down and swam to safety. The other two friends drowned as the couldn' get the gate down. There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.

Love, Mom


****

Brain Tumor



There's a funeral procession of a sardar going on a busy street. All the sardars in the 'mayyat' are dancing the bhangra and singing and general 'balle balle' is on.
The people on the street find it strange that instead of mourning everyone is celebrating as if its marriage baraat.
So one of them asks Dheer Singh, "Singh Saab, aapka koi sage wala gujar gaya hai aur aap naach rahe ho?"
.....comes the reply, "Haan ji! Hai hi baat badi kushi ki!!! Aaj paheli baar ek sardar "brain" tumour se mara hai!!!"
****

Santa goes to heaven

Santa Singh was in the hospital, near death, so the family sent for his friend Banta. As Banta singh stood beside the bed,santa Singh's frail condition grew worse, and he motioned frantically for something to write on.
Banta singh lovingly handed him a pen and piece of paper, and Santa used his last ounce of strength to scribble a note. Then he died. Banta singh thought it best not to look at the note just then, so he slipped it into his jacket pocket.
Several days later, at the funeral, Banta singh was visting Santa's family. He realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he'd worn the day Santa died. "You know," he said, "Santa handed me a note just before he died. I haven't read it, but knowing Santa, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all."
He unfolded the note and read aloud, "You're standing on my oxygen tube!"

****

Kidnapping Sardar



There was a Sardarji who was down on his luck. In order to raise some money he decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. He went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him,"I've kidnapped you."The Sardarji then wrote a note saying: "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag & put it beneath the mango tree next to the slide on the north side of the city playground". Signed, "A Sardarji"

The Sardarji then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the Sardarji checked, and sure enough a paper bag was sitting beneath the mango tree. The Sardarji opened up the bag and found the $10,000 with a note saying, "How could you do this to a fellow Sardarji?!"

****

Sardar at railway Station



Our Sardar, one day is at the railway station.
He asks one man "When will Rajdhani Express go from here"?

Man Replies 12.30.

"When will Punjab Express go from here"?

Man Replies 10.30.
"When will Deccan Queen go from here"?Man Replies 12.30.

Thus the sardar goes on asking for all the trains.

Now the man gets fed up and asks whether he wants to go to punjab by
train or not. Sardar replies, "NO. I only want to cross the tracks!"
****

Sardar at Woolworths's



Banta comes to Australia and goes to Woolworths's (Ubiquitious grocery store in Australia). He finds cat
food at special prices. He picks a dozen cans of cat food and goes to check out. The Manager gets suspicious.
He thinks that this guy cannot have a cat and will probably feed cat food to his kids. He asks Santa to show
him his cat before he could let him have cat food. Banta goes home and returns with a cat and gets to buy the
cat food.
Next week Banta finds dog food at special prices. He picks a dozen cans of dog food and goes to check out.
The Manager again gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy has a cat but he cannot have a dog and he will
probably feed dog-food to his kids. He asks Santa to bring and show him the dog before he can let him have
dog food. Banta goes home and returns with a dog. He gets to buy the dog food.
Next week Banta comes to Woolworth's with a bag. He asks the manager to put his hand in the bag. The
Manager puts his hand in the bag and immediately takes it out. He shouts at Banta: "What! This is shit!" Banta
calmly replies: "Yes, and I want toilet paper"
****

Cricket Fans



Two fast friends, Santa Singh and Banta Singh, were great cricket fanatics. They decided that whoever dies
first will try to come back in the dreams of the other, and tell the other about the cricket scenario in the heaven.
Santa Singh dies first. One day as Banta was fast sleep, he heard Santa calling him. He was very happy and was
eager to know about cricket there. "So, Santa! How is cricket in heaven?" Santa replied, "Hey Banta, I have
good news and bad news. The good news is that tomorrow we are going to have a day & night tournament
here in heaven. And the bad news is that you are the opening bowler for tommorrow's match!"
****

Buying a horse



Banta and Santa buy one race horse each after learning about big money in racing. Says Banta, "How do we
identify which horse is mine and which one is yours?" Santa Singh replies, "I will cut the tail of my horse and
so the horse without a tail will be mine and the one with a tail will be yours." So they cut the tail of the horse.
But in the night their naughty kids cut the tail of the other horse too. And the next day
Banta Singh is worried and says, "I will cut one of the ears of my horse so the horse with one ear will be mine
and the other one will be yours." The next night the kids cut the other horse's ears too. And so it goes on until
the horses lost their ears, eyes, had broken noses etc. And in the end both horses were left only with bare legs
and were just barely living. Both Santa and Banta were frustrated.
At last Banta says, "BAHUT HO GAYA. SAFED WALA GHORA MERA, KALA WALA TERA"
*****

Sardar's body pain



Santa Singh went to the Doctor and complained that he was aching all over.
"Where exactly are you hurting?", asked the doctor.
Santa Singh replied, "All over my body, Doctor." He touched his left hand with his forefinger, "It hurts when I
touch here". He touched his right leg. "It hurts here also." He touched his back, arms, stomach - everywhere
and said it hurt in all places.
The doctor took some x-rays and said, "Santa Singh! I've caught your problem! You have a sprain in your
forefinger!"
****

Parents

Santa singh and Banta singh were always boasting of their
parents achievements to each other.
Santa singh : 'Have you ever heard of the Suez Canal?'
Banta singh : 'Yes, I have'
Santa singh : 'Well, my father dug it.'
Banta singh : 'That's nothing, have you ever heard of Dead
sea?'
Santa singh : 'Yes, I have.'
Banta singh : 'Well, my father killed it.'
****

The three Convicts

Three convicts escaped from prison. One was a Madrasi, one a Gujarati,
and one a Sardar. They ran for miles until they came upon an old barn
where they decided to hide in the hayloft and rest. When they climbed up,
they found three large gunnysacks and decided to climb into them for
camouflage.

About an hour later the Prison Warden and his assistant came into the barn. The
warden told his assistant to go up and check out the hayloft. When he got
up there the warden asked him what he saw and the assistant yelled back,
"Just three gunnysacks."

The warden told him to find out what was in them, so the assistant kicked the
first sack, which had the Madrasi in it. He went, "Bow-wow", so the assistant
told the warden there was a dog in it.

Then he kicked the sack with the Gujarati in it. He went, "Meow", so
the assistant told the warden there was a cat in it.

Then he kicked the one with the Sardar in it, and there was no sound at
all. So he kicked it again, and finally the Sardar said, "Potatoes".
****

Bargaining



One sardar came to Madras and wanted to do shopping in Burma Bazaar. His Tamilian friend told the sardar that the prices will be costly and hence asked him to bargain for half the price .
Sardar went and asked the price of stereo for which the vendor told 2000 Rs.
Sardar asked for Rs.1000.
The vendor told he can give for Rs.1800 for which sardar told no,no only Rs.900.
Vendor told ok , i will give it for 1500 Rs for which sardar bargained for Rs.750.
It was going on like this when finally vendor out of irritation said
"I will give you the stereo free of cost."
The sardar asked "Will you give two?"
*****

Sardar in Multi National Company



A Sardarji joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee.
On his first day he dialed the pantry and shouted into the phone,
"Abey saale! Get me a coffee quickly!"
The voice from the other side responded,
"You fool you've dialed the wrong extension!
Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo?"
"No", replied the trainee.
"It's the Managing Director of the company, you fool!"

The Sardarji shouted back,
"And do you know who YOU are talking to, you fool?"
"No.", replied the Managing Director.

"Good!", replied the Sardarji and put down the phone!
****

The Kiss

Through the center of Lahore there's the new Indo-Pak train speeding along (Samjhuata Express or whatever - which goes between India and Pak.

In one compartment of the train there are four people. A beautiful vivacious young woman, an old matronly woman, a Pakistani soldier, and our own Santa Singh. Suddenly the train goes through a tunnel. It is completely dark. They hear a loud kiss and an equally powerful slap.

When the train exits the tunnel, the Pakistani soldier is holding the side of his face, and Santa Singh is grinning his face off. The old matronly woman thinks : "Now that's a fine young woman, the Pakistani soldier tries to steal a kiss in the tunnel and the lady slaps him one!"

The young woman is thinking : "Now that's a strange Pakistani soldier, he'd rather kiss that old woman than me."

The Pakistani soldier is thinking : "Now that's a smart Indian, he steals the kiss and I get slapped."

And Santa Singh is thinking : "Gee I'm smart! We go through the tunnel, I kiss the back of my hand and get away with slapping a Pakistani soldier."

*****

Sardar Pilots



Two Sardarjis (pilots) try to land an airplane in the states. They start descending and as they touch the ground the pilot scream
"the runway is ending...".
The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up in the air...
They make a big turn and start descending again. The moment they touch the ground, the pilot scream again
"Get the plane up, the runaway is ending...".
The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up in the air... They make a big turn and start descending again...
This goes on again and again...
During their eighth descent the pilot says :
"Look at those stupid Americans, they build this huge & expensive airport but with such a short runaway.."
"I know" answers the second pilot, "But look how wide they made it...."

*****

The Tunnel Joke


Everybody knows the famous under creek/sea tunnel joining England and France.
Before it's construction, the tenders were invited from various construction companies by giving newspaper ads throughout the world.
Banta Singh came across one such ad and he decided to fill the tender. On the day of opening the tenders everybody was surprised to find Banta Singh's tender at it's very lowest. Ohere tenders were quoting billions of pounds, Banta Sing had offered to do the job for just 10000 pounds.
Now , as per the rule Banta was to get the contract. Before giving works order to Banta Singh, the officer asked BantaSingh as to how he could afford to work at such a low budget.
Banta Singh said,"look, back home, there is my brother, Santa Singh.I will call him here. We will take two shovels. I will start diging from English bank and Santa Singh will start digging from French bank. The moment we meet, you get a tunnel."
The dumbstruck officer asked with courage," and if you don't meet?"
Banta Singh replied," then you will get two tunnels in same cost."

*****

Flag Pole

Santa Singh and Banta Singh get a contract to paint a flagpole. While trying to compute the area, so they'll know how much paint to buy, Santa stands on Banta 's shoulders and stretches to reach the top to compute the height. His reach is short by several inches. So, Banta says maybe if they switch positions, because he's taller maybe he can touch the top. (???) They switch positions and naturally he can't touch the top, either.

While sitting, pondering another approach to computing the area, a weight lifter comes by. Santa and Banta explain their problem. The weightlifter goes over, wrestles the flagpole out of its socket, lays it down, measures it from bottom to top, gives them the figure, then manhandles the flagpole back into its cement socket and walks off.

Santa looks at Banta, then says, "Now isn't that weightlifter awfully stupid! You ask him the height and he gives you the length of the pole!"
****

Chess



Santa Singh is Flying from Moscow to Delhi. To his surprise, sitting right beside
him is Gary Kasporov, the world Chess Champion. Santa has always been in awe
of Chess players, and immediately starts up a conversation with Gary about the
Nuances of the Game etc. Gary says ... "How would You like to Play me for $ 500/
US"?

Santa: "But you're too damn good".

Gary: "I'll play left handed".

Santa cant resist the bet and accepts. Kasparov, Check Mates our Sardar in 8
Moves .......

Santa is still scratching his head, as he leaves the airplane.

Upon Reaching Amritsar, Santa tells Banta about the game he had with
Kasparov.

Banta: "Tu bhi pura buddhu hai Santa". (You're an absolute fool Santa)
Santa: "kyon" (why)?

Banta: Gary Kasprov is a lefty yaar!
****

Sardar and Mileage



A sardar from Delhi had an old car which had run for over a
1,00,000 kilometres. He wanted to sell it, but was not getting a
good price because of its excess mileage.
He approached a Madrasi friend of his and asked for help.
The Madrasi gave him an address in Chennai (Madras) and asked
him to visit a mechanic there. The mechanic would adjust the
meter so that it shows only 30,000 kilometres.
The sardar thanked him and left for Madras. For a few days,
the Madrasi didn't see the sardar. He assumed that the sardar
would have sold the car.
A few weeks later, the sardar came to see the Madrasi in
the same car. The Madrasi was surprised and asked - "What
happened? Why have you not sold your car yet?"
The sardar replied - "Why should I? It has run for only
30,000 kilometres
****
--
******************************************************
I may not be perfect at what to do but perfect at what not to do!
******************************************************

Short Jokes - 2

TRAIN TO LUDHIANA

Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh are in a railwaystation. Hari Singh
asks the clerk: Can I take this train to Ludhiana?

No, answers the Railway man.

Can I? asks Gani Singh.

**************************************************************************************

LONG FLIGHT

Sardarji calls Air India. How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?

Just a sec, comes an answer.Thank you. says the Sardarji and hangs up!

**************************************************************************************

COLOR TV
Sardarji is buying a TV. Do you have color TVs?

Sure.

Give me a green one, please

**************************************************************************************

Drunken Driving

Santa Singh was brought to court on charges of Drunken Driving. Just before the
trial there was a commotion in the gallery. The judge pounded the gravel
on his table and shouted, Order, order.

Santa immediately responded, Thank you, your honour, I'll have a scotch
and soda.

**************************************************************************************

Singh went to an eye specialist to get his eyes tested and asked, Doctor,
will I be able to read after wearing glasses?
Yes, of course, said the doctor, why not!
Oh! How nice it would be , said Banta with joy, I have been illiterate for
so long.

**************************************************************************************

Sardar's Answering Machine

A Sardar took an answering machine home and fixed it home
somewhere in Punjab, but two days later disconnected it because
he was getting complaints like "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe
nahin hai" (Idiot! He's taking the phone and saying he's not there.)


**************************************************************************************

One day Santa's neighbor visits him and sees Santa crying.
The neighbour: What had happened?
Santa: My mother died yesterday.
The neighbor made him some coffee and settled him down a little and then left. The next day the same neighbor
went back over to the house and found Santa crying again.
The neighbour: Why are you crying today Santa?
Santa: I just got off of the phone with my brother, his mother died too!

**************************************************************************************

Santa Singh: My doctor told me to drink carrot juice after a hot bath to cure my cold.
Banta Singh: Does it work?
Santa Singh: I don't know... I can never finish drinking the hot bath.


**************************************************************************************

Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University final examination.
He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for
five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws
them out of the window. He then removes his turban and throws it away
as well. His shirt, pant, socks and watch follow suit. The invigilator,
alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on. "Oye, I am only
following the instructions - 'Answer in brief'." says the Sardar.

**************************************************************************************

Sardar and the donkey

Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and started
thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing;
what are you thanking God for ?"

The sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding
the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too."

**************************************************************************************

Singh went to an eye specialist to get his eyes tested and asked, Doctor,
will I be able to read after wearing glasses?
Yes, of course, said the doctor, why not!
Oh! How nice it would be , said Banta with joy, I have been illiterate for
so long.


**************************************************************************************

Sardar and Binocular

While travelling a sardar was carrying a binocular with him.
But he never seemed to use it while looking outside the window.
A co-passenger who was travelling with him asked why he was carrying
binoculars.

The sardar simply said ...
"I am on my way to see a distant relative."


**************************************************************************************


Sardar and the lie detector


An Englishman, an American and a Sardarji are called upon to test
a lie detector.

The Englishman says:

"I think I can empty 20 bottles of beer".
BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
"Ok", he says, "10 bottles".
And the machine is silent.

The American says:

"I think I can eat 15 hamburgers".

BUZZZZZZ,goes the lie detector.
"Allright, 8 hamburgers".
And the machine's silent.

The Sardarji says:

"I think...",
BUZZZZZZ goes the machine.



8**************************

Three police squads , The Scotland Yard police , The NY Police and
the Punjab Sardar brigade contest for the best police force ward . The
judges lead them to the Gir forest of India and assign them the mission.He
who captures an adult Lion and brings it back alive in the fastest time will
be adjudged the best . First Scotland yard goes into the forest and comes
back in half an hour with a Lion all tied up . Then the NY police go in and
come back in 15 minutes with a tied up lion .Lastly the sardar brigade
goes in . 15 minutes , half an hour , one hour goes and no sign of our
saradrjis .The judges give up and decide to search for them . They go into
the forest . After some searching , they find the sardarjis all excitedly
yelling near a tree . The sardarjis have tied up a big bear to a tree and one
of them is shouting , "Bol tu sher Hai ! Saala Bol ! tu Sher Hai !! "
(Admit that you are a lion!You are a lion).


*******

Sardar and the race



Once, a Hindu, a Sardar and an American were travelling in an aeroplane.
Suddenly, something went wrong and the engines stalled. They had no
parachutes with them. So all the three of them decided to risk their lives
and jump out of their planes.

First, the Sardar jumped out. He removed his turban, used it as a
parachute and jumped. Using the turban he slowly floated down.

Then the Hindu removed his dhoti and jumped out. Again his dhoti acted as
a parachute and he also floated down gently. Seeing this, the American
removed his shirt and pant and jumped out.

Unfortunately, they did not do well as a parachute and he began to fall
rapidly from the plane to the ground. He passed by the Hindu who said
" May Bhagwan help you". Then he passed the Sardar. The Sardar looked
at the American zooming past him and was puzzled. So he said - "I see!
You want a race! Let us see who is faster" Saying so, he let go of his
turban.
--
******************************************************
I may not be perfect at what to do but perfect at what not to do!
******************************************************

Sardar Collections - 3

INDO-PAK WAR


Once in the Indo Pakistan war, Pakistan was fighting fiercely and
capturing everything in sight. A sikh camp called Gurudwara hideout was
crucial to defend from the pakistanis as it contained all the defence
secrets.
The pakistani forces surrounded the base and the
sikhs had thought that they had lost the battle but, suddenly out of
the bushes jumps Cptn. Hari Singh wearing a Maachar dani! (mosquito net)
He Pulls out his AK-47 rifle and fires like mad. The pakistanis run off
quickly.
The next day Hari Singh gets a medal. His freinds ask him "Yaar thu
maachar
daani kyon pehenke gaya tha?" Hari Singh replies
"Maachar daani itni patli hote hain ki agar maachar nahin ghus sakte,
goli kahan se ghussenghi?
In the following war Hari Singh retires and his son Gani Singh (No
Assumptions Please!) joins the army. Pakistanis are again surrounding
the Gurudwara hideout, the sikhs again think they've lost the war but
out of the bushes erupts Gani Singh wearning nothing he tries do shoo
away the pakistanis like his father did but instead gets shot. In the
hospital his friends tell him "aare yaar, therre bap me tho itni akal
thi ki vo maachar daani pehin ke gaya tha, aur tu nunga chale gaya" Gani
Singh replies "aare yaar main tho Mosquito repelling cream lage ke gaya tha"!


*****

Professor Sardar



Sardar Singh was very keen on doing his Ph.D. He was in search of a
subject on which no one did any research before!

As he was thinking over it, he found a cockroach on the table in from
of him. He decided instantly to do a research on the roach.

He picked the roach and put it in the centre of the table and said:
"Run". The roach ran.
He pulled out one leg of the roach, put it again in the centre of the
table and said: "Run". The roach ran.

He pulled one more leg of the roach, put it again in the centre of the
table and said: "Run". The roach ran. This way the roach tried to run
even when it had just one leg.

He pulled last leg of the roach, put it again in the centre of the
table and said: "Run". The roach could not!

Our Professor was satisfied with his study and started writing his
thesis: "When you pull out all the legs of a roach, it cannot hear
anymore".

****

Sardarji in Outer Space!


Two dogs, Rubi and Moti, and a Sardarji were sent to the outer space.

The ground control issues commands
"Rubi!"
"Woof!"
"Press the red button."
"Woof! Woof!"

"Moti!"
"Woof!"
"Press the white button."
"Woof! Woof!"

"Sardarji!"
"Woof."
"Stop barking, feed the dogs and don't touch anything

*****

HEIGHTS OF REVENGE



Talking about those days when there were no mosquito repellents and we
had to spend sleepless nights. Sardarji was also experiencing the same
every time he tries to sleep, one mosquito comes and disturbs his sleep with a sound
"guooonn, guooonn." He gets very irritated. He tries to cover his ear but the
problem remains persistent. Ultimately he gets up and catches the
mosquito in his hand. He is very kind and not for the blood shed but still wanted to
take revenge. Happy as he is now starts singing a lullaby and says "so ja machchar,
bete so ja". After some time he finds the mosquito falling in to deep
sleep in his hands. So he goes near it and says "Guoooonnnnn,
guoooonnnnn."

****

Deserted Island



Three men were stranded on an uninhabited island. One was Hindu, one a Muslim, and the other a Surd. The only way back home was to swim 100 miles to the next island, which was inhabited.

The Muslim was so determined to get home that he tried to swim. He made it 50 miles, got tired, and drowned.

Then the Hindu tried. He made it 75 miles, but got tired and drowned, too.

The Sardar thought he could make it all the way, so he started swimming. He swam 50 miles, but started getting tired, so he swam all the way back to the island.

****

Just a little Bit

Travelling together once were a Russian, an American & the saviour of our
nation - Sardarji!!!
Each of them wanted to prove that their country was the greatest.
Said the Russian, " We have a rocket that could touch the sky." "We
dont believe it ",said the others.
"Ok! Ok! but just 2cms. below the sky"
Not to be out done the American said, " We have a submarine that can
touch the ocean-bed of the deepest part on this planet."
"We don't believe it ",said the others.
"Ok! Ok! but just 2cms. above the ocean-bed"
Our hero with a smile on his face said, "In our country we all eat
with our nose!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

--
******************************************************
I may not be perfect at what to do but perfect at what not to do!
******************************************************

Short Jokes

Very Short Jokes - 4



A surd going to London on a plane, how can you steal his window seat?
A: Tell him the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you do when a Surd throws a pin at you?
A: Run like Hell....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you make a surd laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What is the surd doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why did the surd stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
A: Because it said 'concentrate'.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do surd work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What did the surd do when he noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?
A: He turned it over and used the other side.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you confuse a surd?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you keep a surd in suspense?
A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you keep a surd busy?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why can't surd make ice cubes?
A: They always forget the recipe.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How did the surd try to kill the bird?
A: He threw it off a cliff.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?
A: because below 18 was not allowed !!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the difference between a surd and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do men like surd jokes??
A: Because they can understand them.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What does a surd say when you ask him if his blinker is on?
A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you get when you offer a surd a penny for his thoughts?
A: Change.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you call 10 surds standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you call a surd in an institution of higher learning?
A: A visitor.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you call a surd with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you call a surd in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you see when you look into a surd's eyes?
A: The back of his head.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*****
--
******************************************************
I may not be perfect at what to do but perfect at what not to do!
******************************************************

Sardar Collections - 2

***********************************************************************************************

Tragedy in Punjab
Did you hear the news about the 747 that crashed in a cemetery in Punjab recently?
The Surd officials have so far retrieved 4000 bodies.

Did you hear about the latest tragedy in Punjab?
There was a terrible power failure in a large shopping mall, people were stuck on the escalators for 4 hours!

***********************************************************************************************Latest Invention!
Did you hear about the latest Surd invention? It's a solar-powered flashlight.

***********************************************************************************************

But wait theres More!
A Surd was jumped by two muggers and fought like hell, but was finally subdued.
His attackers then proceeded to go through his pockets. "You mean you fought like that for 57 paise?" asked one of the muggers increduously. "Is that all you wanted?" moaned the Surd.
"I thought you were after the 400 Rupees in my shoe!"

***********************************************************************************************
Sardar's Maruti 2



One fine morning found Sardarji driving his new Maruti (which he called marrruttti very affectionately). Sardarji was very happy to be the owner of a marrruttti and was singing to himself. Suddenly, he collided with the milkman. The accident caused much damage to the milkman's bicycle and our guy was furious. Sardarji ran towards him mumbling apologies, but our guy was not pacified. He shouted "Sardar, khoon ka badla khoon, torfoor ka badla torfoor". Saying so, he got a stout stick and starting hammering it on the windshield.

Sardarji was shocked and tried to take the stick from him, requesting him to stop. But the milkman (who was incidently very stout) got hold of the Sardarji and carried him ten metres away from his maruti. He drew a small circle near the road with the stick and asked Sardarji to stay inside and not move outside the circle, threatening him with his stout stick for better measure. Now our Sardarji was not very brave at heart and cooly went to stand in the circle.

Our milkman goes back to what he had left in the middle and starts on the headlights. After this, he starts on the rearlights. As soon as he breaks the first one, he hears a faint chuckle from the Sardarji. He breaks the other one, now he could distinctly hear the Sardarji laugh slightly. Enraged, he goes to the Sardarji and asks him why he was laughing. Sardarji says that it was nothing. He comes backs and resumes his assault on the poor maruti and as he goes on in this act, Sardarji's laughs become louder and louder. Enraged, the milkman increases his assault , but the laughs keep on increasing rather than decreasing.

At last, the milkman can't stop himself. He goes to the Sardar and taking him by the collar, asks him the reason for laughing. Our Sardar at first says it was nothing, but when the milkman starts getting really rough, he breaks down. He says "If I tell you, you will beat me". The milkman, now very curious, promises not to do anything if the Sardar tells him. Satisfied about his safety, our Sardarji says "You know, while u were engaged there, I came out of the circle seventeen times".

******

What Speed Limit?

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, this driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five Sikhs - two in the front seat and three in the back - eyes wide and white as ghosts.

The driver Santa Singh, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

"Sir," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers." "Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-Two miles an hour!" Santa says a bit proudly. The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, Santa grinned and thanked theofficer for pointing out his error.

"But before I let you go, Sir, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car ok? these people seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time." the officer asks.

"Oh, they'll be alright in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119." Said Santa

*****

Sardar Collections - 1

Punjab University Exam
Punjab Engineering & Medical Entrance Exam
Time Limit: 3 Weeks
1. What language is spoken in Tamil Nadu?
2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions
-OR-
give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.
3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to
(a) build a bridge (b) sail the ocean (c) lead an army or (d) WRITE A PLAY
4. What religion is the Pope?
(a) Jewish (b) Catholic (c) Hindu (d) Polish (e) Agnostic (check only one)
5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters?
6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?
7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)
8. What are people in India's far north called?
(a) Westerners (b) Southerners (c) Northerners
9. Spell -- Bush, Carter and Clinton
10. Six kings of India have been called Akbar , the last one being Akbar the Sixth. Name the previous five.
11. Where does rain come from?
(a) Macy's (b) a 7-11 (c) Canada (d) the sky
12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity?
(a) yes (b) no
13. What are coat hangers used for?
14. The "Jana Gana Mana " is the National Anthem for what country?
15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium
-OR-
spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.
16. Where is the basement in a three story building located?
17. Which part of India produces the most oranges?
(a) Gujarat (b) Russia (c) Canada (d) Pakistan
18. Advanced math. If you have three apples how many apples do you have?
19. What does AIR (All India Radio) stand for?
20. The University of Chandigarh tradition for efficiency began when
(approximately)?
(a) B.C. (b) A.D. (c) still waiting
*You must answer at least three questions correctly to qualify*
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Delhi to Bombay
A Surd was going by train from Delhi to Bombay.
He kept getting off at every station to buy a ticket till the next station.
When the train reached Delhi, the Surd's co-passengers asked him why he kept on buying tickets instead of buying a ticket for the entire.
The Surd replied that his doctor had advised him against taking long journeys.


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Pay or No Pay
Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job.
He promptly filled the columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc.
Then he came to the column Salary Expected :
He was not sure as to what to be filled there.
After much thought he wrote : Yes

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Railways
A sardarji was working as editor in a daily newspaper. Once he was travelling to Bombay to deliver a speech about railway department improvements. His coach was the last coach in the train. The train was moving very fast and so sardarji's coach was jerking heavily. This made him not to prepare anything for the speech.
Annoyed by the event, next day in the meeting, his first point towards improvement of railway department was "There should not be last coach in any train."

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What Problem?
Sardarji ( to doctor ) : 'Doctor, I have a problem.'
Doctor : 'What's your problem?'
Sardarji : 'I keep forgetting things.'
Doctor : 'Since when do you have this problem?'
Sardarji : 'What problem?'

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Bomb + Sardar = Trouble
Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh got fed up with the Indian Govt and decided to blow up the parliament. They took 2 bombs, put them in a suitcase in the front seat of their car and set off.
Hari Singh asks "What happens if the bombs blast off now".
Gani Singh says "Don't worry. I have a spare bomb in the back seat"

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How many idlis in a empty Stomach
Once Banta Singh goes to dinner with his friends.Just to have some fun one of his friends ask's Banta, "How many Idlis can you eat when your stomach is empty?". For which Banta answers promptly - "8 idlis".
His friends laugh at him and say,nobody can eat 8 idlis when their stomach is empty because when they eat the first idli their stomach would no longer be empty.
Banta enjoys the joke very much and as soon as he comes home calls his wife and asks, "How many idlis can you eat when your stomach is empty?". She replies - "5 idlis".
Hearing this answer Banta gets furious and replies, "You fool! Had you said '8 idlis' I would have told you a good joke!"


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New in Town
Once a sardarji went to the city of Mumbai for the first time to meet his father. His father had asked him to keep walking in the direction of the sunrise until he eventually reached his house.
Since, the sardarji was new to the city he decided to ask a passerby the direction in which the sun rose in, east, west, north or south?
The passerby also a Sardarji thought for some time and then said, "Main bhi is sheher mein naya aaya hoon!"

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I may not be perfect at what to do but perfect at what not to do!
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Quick thinking Sardar

Santa used to work in a saw-mill. He was in hospital after he lost his arm in an accident.

Banta was visiting him in the hospital.

Banta, "It was really bad that you lost your hand. However thank God that it was your left hand, since you are right handed."

Santa, "It is also because of my quick thinking. Actually it was the right hand which was going to be caught in the machine. Then I realised that I am right handed and so switched hands just in time!"

Sardar Jokes

Santa jokes

Titanic was sinking.

An Englishman asked Santa, "How far is land"?
Santa: 2 KMs.

Englishman jumped into sea.
Englishman: Now, which direction?

Santa: Downwards !


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How did Santa tried to kill a bird??

He took it to the top of a building and dropped it from there to die.


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Santa: I have swallowed a Kay.

Doctor: When?

Santa: 3 months back!

Doctor: What were you doing till now?

Santa: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too.


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Santa was drawing money from ATM. Banta, who was just behind him in the line said: I've seen ur password. It's ****. Santa: U r wrong. It's 1394.


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Santa falls in love with a nurse... After much thinking, he finally writes a love letter to her: "I luv u sister ."


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Santa asked Banta: Why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in evening?

Banta: Very simple, because he is PM not AM.


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A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.

Santa doesn't turns up for 4 days.

Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out.

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Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatos 5 days ago, he hasn't came back yet!

Santa: Why don't u cook something else? .

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Ultimate answer while changing the job.

Interviewer: Why did you changed your last job?

Santa: Because the company shifted and didn't tell me where.


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Santa and Banta went for a drive.

Santa: Hey, look out from the window, are the indicators working or not?

Banta puts his head out & says "Yes-No, Yes-No, Yes-No, Yes-No!!!"


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Why did Santa keep the door open while bathing?

Because he was afraid that someone might watch him from the key hole.


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Santa phoned his wife: I am not coming home . The steering, dash board, gears of car have been stolen.

After sometime he calls again: I am coming , earlier I sat on the back seat.


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Sardar With Lie Detector

Lie Detector

An Englishman, an American and a Sardarji are called upon to test a lie detector.

The Englishman says: "I think I can empty 20 bottles of beer".
BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
"Ok", he says, "10 bottles".
And the machine is silent.

The American says: "I think I can eat 15 hamburgers".
BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
"All right, 8 hamburgers".
And the machine's silent.

The Sardarji says: "I think.......", BUZZZZZZ goes the machine.

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