Not too long ago, a large seminar was held for ministers and reverends in training.
Among the facilitators were many well-known motivational speakers. One such speaker boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!"
The crowd was shocked!
He followed up by saying, "That woman was my mother!"
The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech, which was well received.
About a week later, one of the ministers who had attended the seminar decided to use that joke in his sermon. As he shyly approached the pulpit one sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It was a bit foggy to him.
Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!"
His congregation sat shocked, murmuring.
After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out "... and I can't remember who she was!"
*********
Moral of the story: Don't copy if you can't paste
Kamis, 07 Mei 2009
The Door Bell
One night a guy dropped his girlfriend at her home.
As they were about to wish each other goodnight at the front door, the guy started feeling a little in the mood.
With an air of confidence, he leaned with his hand against the wall and smiling, he said to her "Honey , would you give me a kiss?"
Horrified, she replied, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"
"Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?" He asked grinning at her.
"No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"
" Oh come on!
There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!".
"No way , it's just too risky!"
"Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?".
"No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!".
"Oh yes you can. Please?"
"No, no. I just can't" "I'm begging you ... "
Out of the blue, the light on the stairs went on, and
The girl's elder sister showed up in her pajamas, hair dishevelled, And in a sleepy voice she said,
"Dad says to go ahead and give him a kiss, or I can do it. Or if need Be, mom says she can come down herself and do it, but for God's sake and all of ours....
TELL HIM TO TAKE HIS HAND OFF THE DOOR BELL ........
--
******************************************************
I may not be perfect at what to do but perfect at what not to do!
******************************************************
As they were about to wish each other goodnight at the front door, the guy started feeling a little in the mood.
With an air of confidence, he leaned with his hand against the wall and smiling, he said to her "Honey , would you give me a kiss?"
Horrified, she replied, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"
"Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?" He asked grinning at her.
"No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"
" Oh come on!
There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!".
"No way , it's just too risky!"
"Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?".
"No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!".
"Oh yes you can. Please?"
"No, no. I just can't" "I'm begging you ... "
Out of the blue, the light on the stairs went on, and
The girl's elder sister showed up in her pajamas, hair dishevelled, And in a sleepy voice she said,
"Dad says to go ahead and give him a kiss, or I can do it. Or if need Be, mom says she can come down herself and do it, but for God's sake and all of ours....
TELL HIM TO TAKE HIS HAND OFF THE DOOR BELL ........
--
******************************************************
I may not be perfect at what to do but perfect at what not to do!
******************************************************
Sardar Jokes
An Interview with Sardar.
Interviewer: what is your birth date?
Sardar: 13th October
Which year?
Sardar : EVERY YEAR
Manager asked to sardar at an interview
Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Sardar replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O- X.
After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife,
Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?
One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Sardar: Any great man born in
this
village???
Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!
Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi
So Sardar writes, "Gandi was a great man, but I don't know who is
jayanthi.
7 - Interviewer: just imagine your in 3rd floor, it caught fire and how
will
you escape?
Sardar : its simple. I will stop my imagination! !!
Sardar : You cheated me. Shopkeeper: How ? Sardar : YOu said this is
American made radio. But when I put it ON, it says All India Radio.
Sardar got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket. He
gaveRs.10/- and took the ticket and said "April fool. I have a pass."
Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the
computer.
Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening. Sardar : Keyboard
alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.
sardar were fixing a bomb in a car. Sardar 1 : What would you do if
thebomb explodes while fixing. Sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have a one
more.
Sardar was busy removing a wheel from his auto. A man asks sardar why
areyou removing a wheel from your auto. Sardar : Cant you read the
board.
Parking is only for 2 wheeler.
--
******************************************************
I may not be perfect at what to do but perfect at what not to do!
******************************************************
Interviewer: what is your birth date?
Sardar: 13th October
Which year?
Sardar : EVERY YEAR
Manager asked to sardar at an interview
Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Sardar replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O- X.
After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife,
Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?
One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Sardar: Any great man born in
this
village???
Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!
Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi
So Sardar writes, "Gandi was a great man, but I don't know who is
jayanthi.
7 - Interviewer: just imagine your in 3rd floor, it caught fire and how
will
you escape?
Sardar : its simple. I will stop my imagination! !!
Sardar : You cheated me. Shopkeeper: How ? Sardar : YOu said this is
American made radio. But when I put it ON, it says All India Radio.
Sardar got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket. He
gaveRs.10/- and took the ticket and said "April fool. I have a pass."
Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the
computer.
Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening. Sardar : Keyboard
alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.
sardar were fixing a bomb in a car. Sardar 1 : What would you do if
thebomb explodes while fixing. Sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have a one
more.
Sardar was busy removing a wheel from his auto. A man asks sardar why
areyou removing a wheel from your auto. Sardar : Cant you read the
board.
Parking is only for 2 wheeler.
--
******************************************************
I may not be perfect at what to do but perfect at what not to do!
******************************************************
Parents Wish....Dont MISS IT
To All: If you don't open and view anything else in your life, open and view this! You won't be sorry, you will be a little wiser for it though! If you have children, I would expect you'll want them to see this too! Then, if you are fortunate to still have your parents, go and visit them this week and give them a big hug. Click on the link below....very touching....
View with speakers on
Click here: PARENT'S WISH
http://parentswish.com/site01/big.html
View with speakers on
Click here: PARENT'S WISH
http://parentswish.com/site01/big.html
Guess the profession of this Fellow..."Funny"
Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt. The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses,TAG- Heuer wrist-watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie, gets out and asks the shepherd: "If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?"
The shepherd looks at the young man, and then looks at the large flock of grazing sheep and replies: "Okay."
The young man parks the car, connects his laptop to the mobile-fax,enters a NASA Webster, scans the ground using his GPS, opens a datax-ud and 60 Excel tables filled with logarithms and pivot tables, then prints out a 150 page report on his high-tech mini-printer.
He turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1,586 sheep here."
The shepherd cheers,"That' s correct, you can have your sheep."
The young man makes his pick and puts it in the back of his Porsche.
The shepherd looks at him and asks: "If I guess your profession, will you return my animal to
me?"
The young man answers, "Yes, why not?"
The shepherd says,"You are an IT consultant."
"How did you know?" asks the young man.
"Very simple," answers the shepherd. "First, you came here without being called. Second, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew, and third, you don't understand anything
about my business...now can I have my "" DOG "" back?!!!!!!"
--
******************************************************
I may not be perfect at what to do but perfect at what not to do!
******************************************************
The shepherd looks at the young man, and then looks at the large flock of grazing sheep and replies: "Okay."
The young man parks the car, connects his laptop to the mobile-fax,enters a NASA Webster, scans the ground using his GPS, opens a datax-ud and 60 Excel tables filled with logarithms and pivot tables, then prints out a 150 page report on his high-tech mini-printer.
He turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1,586 sheep here."
The shepherd cheers,"That' s correct, you can have your sheep."
The young man makes his pick and puts it in the back of his Porsche.
The shepherd looks at him and asks: "If I guess your profession, will you return my animal to
me?"
The young man answers, "Yes, why not?"
The shepherd says,"You are an IT consultant."
"How did you know?" asks the young man.
"Very simple," answers the shepherd. "First, you came here without being called. Second, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew, and third, you don't understand anything
about my business...now can I have my "" DOG "" back?!!!!!!"
--
******************************************************
I may not be perfect at what to do but perfect at what not to do!
******************************************************
The Eagle Story... Changes for Survival....
The Eagle Story... I was watching Discovery Channel Yesterday, a wild life program. Every thing could be converted into Inspiration.... See what EAGLE Taught me...
The Eagle Story... Changes for Survival....
EAGLE can live up to 70 years, but to reach this age, the eagle must make a hard decision in its' 40's
Its' long & flexible talons can no longer grab prey which serves as food, Its' long & sharp beak becomes bent
Its' old-aged & heavy wings, due to their thick feathers, become stuck to its' chest & make it difficult to fly
Then eagle is left with only 2 options: die or go through a painful process of change which lasts 150 days.
The process requires that eagle fly to a mountain & the eagle knocks its' beak against a rock until it plucks it out
After this, eagle will wait for a new beak to grow back. When its' new talons grow back, the eagle starts plucking its' old-aged feathers & after 5 months, eagle can take its' flight of rebirth & lives for 30 more years
♥Moral of Story...
Many times, in order to survive, we have to start a change process. We sometimes need to get rid of Old memories, habits & other past traditions. Only freed from past Burdens,we can take advantage of the present.♥
The Eagle Story... Changes for Survival....
EAGLE can live up to 70 years, but to reach this age, the eagle must make a hard decision in its' 40's
Its' long & flexible talons can no longer grab prey which serves as food, Its' long & sharp beak becomes bent
Its' old-aged & heavy wings, due to their thick feathers, become stuck to its' chest & make it difficult to fly
Then eagle is left with only 2 options: die or go through a painful process of change which lasts 150 days.
The process requires that eagle fly to a mountain & the eagle knocks its' beak against a rock until it plucks it out
After this, eagle will wait for a new beak to grow back. When its' new talons grow back, the eagle starts plucking its' old-aged feathers & after 5 months, eagle can take its' flight of rebirth & lives for 30 more years
♥Moral of Story...
Many times, in order to survive, we have to start a change process. We sometimes need to get rid of Old memories, habits & other past traditions. Only freed from past Burdens,we can take advantage of the present.♥
Doubt about Mahabharata -- Good One
In a remote village of India, once masterji is teaching the Mahabharat katha to class 6 students. He is at the 'Krishna janma' part of it. Masterji: "Kansa heard the akashwani that his sister's 8th child is going to kill him. He was furious. He ordered to put Vasudev and Devki behind the bars. First son is born, and kansa kills him by poisoning... Second one is born n Kansa throws him off the mountain peak. Third one is born...
"Now Ramu, who is smartest of the lot, puts up his hand. Masterji, I have a doubt (sounding nervous and confused).
Masterji: "Ramu bete, whole India does not have doubt in mahabharata then how come you have one?"
Ramu: Masterji, if Kansa knew that Devaki's 8th child was going to Kill him, WHY THE HELL DID HE PUT VASUDEV AND DEVAKI IN THE SAME CELL?
Masterji fainted..... ....
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